Add to Technorati Favorites

Friday, March 27, 2009

the Girl's Guide to Homelessness is MOVING!!!!! :)

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I have moved to www.girlsguidetohomelessness.com - a kind stranger basically bought me a domain and is building me my own website!!! How crazy is that?!?!?!

It's a work in progress, so I have to play with it and do some tweaking, but thanks to Adam Warner (previously mentioned kind stranger), it already looks about ten bajillion times better than this blogspot does ;) Adam's super awesome - he saw the Invisible People video interview and did all of this out of the kindness of his heart, so please (shameless plug) visit his sites and return the love:

http://wordpressmodder.org
http://mybodypart.org
http://learnwebtools.com

At some point soon I'll just redirect my blogspot to point to the new site, but for now, it's manual. You can follow the link above to get there!

Much love and gratitude,

~B~



Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Fezzik and House Buying

Fezzik is boarded. It was difficult, not sure how big a fan of the boarding facility I am. I want to come and take him to the dog park on weekends (since they don't allow their canine boarders to play together). They said that I can, but they "discourage" it because I'll "depress" him... wtf?!?!?! So you're telling me I should go without seeing my dog for a really long time?!?! That he shouldn't be able to run and play at the park?! Screw that, he's hanging out at the park with me on the weekends. Seriously, I'm not sure how much better this boarding thing can be for him, sounds like he'll be getting less exercise and less interaction with other animals :(

They slipped a flimsy little lead over his neck to take him back to the room. I offered her his Halti nose lead, since he's used to it and it keeps him awesomely under control, just a little tug and he's putty in your hands, since like all dogs, he follows the direction of his nose. She said no and took it off and took him back.

I signed the last form and turned to leave. All of a sudden, commotion, and then Fezzik comes HURTLING out from the back rooms DRAGGING this hapless woman behind him, trying to follow me. He did NOT want me to leave him, he is just such a velcro dog and wants to be near me whenever I'm in the room.

She took the Halti after that and he went along meekly. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

* * * * *

House buying info (largely a copy-paste of a reply to a comment on my last post, since I'm lazy, haha): Dwight and I have completed our loan application, and are supposed to receive our prequalifying letter this week, upon which we can make an offer to the bank, woohoo!!!!!

Hopefully they will accept quickly, although there may be a counteroffer negotiation process. Closing will need to be scheduled for at least 75 days out. Short sales can take up to 6 months to process, I'm crossing my fingers for a quick and easy 75 days.

I am hoping to rent the cheapest month-to-month apartment I can find, as soon as I know the situation with the house offer. Due to the low price of the home, my mortgage will actually be lower than an apartment payment, plus I will have to expend a bit on down payment/closing costs. As a first-time homebuyer, I am apparently entitled to request a 6% seller credit from the purchase price to cover much of the down payment/closing closts, so much of these fees will be covered; however, I am trying to retain as much savings as possible in the meantime as a cushion in case there are still some fees I have to come up with.

Overall, it's one of those "wait and see" situations. I also need to find an apartment that will allow large dogs, which can be tough in the area (especially on a month-to-month basis, most landlords are looking for a longer-term commitment). Depending upon these factors, I may be able to squeak into an apartment, or I may have to wait until closing on the house.

Either way, I am soooooooo completely stoked about it. Here's some photos of the house, via GoogleEarth. As you can see, it's quite ginormous, and very old (1904 Victorian). From the pics, I'm sure you can tell it's a bit of a fixer-upper... one or two windows have been broken and boarded up, and will need to be replaced, and there's a fair amount of stuff in the backyard that I'm hoping the current owners remove when they leave. And I would love to paint it a new color. But the bones of the house are fantastic... isn't it beautiful? Just so much character. I can't have a new house; I love things old, with history behind them; I just want to jump in and start making it mine. All those little nooks and crannies and discoveries waiting to be made. I especially love the octagonal room on the side - I want it to be my room. There are about 8 bedrooms right now, but I'll probably want to scale that back a bit (although I want as many as possible, if I turn it into a halfway house for homeless women/children like I was considering). You can't see, but there's also a ginormous garage behind that's been converted into a guest house. And a basement and an attic - you never get that stuff in Orange County, especially no basements!!! First thing, though, I'm getting rid of the plastic kids' swing set (I don't have kids, and if I did, I'd find a nicer set, haha). So... yeah. There you go. A little window into my head and what I love and what makes me tick.







Sunday, March 22, 2009

Actual Sequence of Events

~I sit at Starbucks all morning waiting for someone to get my frantic e-mails.
~Dwight gets on gtalk around 1:00 p.m. and I fill him in.
~Dwight calls the gas station again for me to see if my phone has been turned in. No dice.
~Dwight comes to Starbucks to take me to Sprint to replace my phone.
~On a whim, we use his cell call my phone to see if the dirty bastard who stole it will answer.
~Aishwarya picks up on the other end of the line.
~General confusion ensues.

What happened was this: some nice guy (Richard) found my phone at the gas station restroom and was apparently answering all the incoming calls to see if I would call. Aishwarya didn't hear from me in the morning like she was supposed to, started worrying, and called. Nice stranger Richard answered and explained what happened. He then proceeded to meet her at a local movie theatre and give her the phone.

Aishwarya still had no way to find me - she hadn't checked her e-mail yet - so she went on to a barbeque with some friends, at which point Dwight and I called, and were very confused to hear her voice on the line.

So - yay!!! All worked out well.

Dwight took me to the Wal-Mart parking lot, at which point P. came out of his RV and mentioned that he had also called my cell, and the same Richard guy had picked up. He had left a note on my dashboard with the guy's phone number.

I drove back to Starbucks, and Aishwarya met me there in a few hours after her barbeque was done, and gave me my phone and Richard's phone number. So now I need to call and thank him so, so very much.

The other new development is that starting tomorrow I am going to board Fezzik. The Sam's Club parking lot is not particularly safe at all (P. mentioned that he had sent another RV-er out there to drive by and see if I made it there OK, and they had seen the jillion random men hanging around my trailer, and were concerned). Wal-Mart is in a much safer neighborhood and the other members of my little RV community are around to watch out for me (I'm actually really touched that they cared enough to drive by Sam's Club). Anyway, P. told me to come back to Wal-Mart after a day or so and just try to leave every couple of days for a few hours, and then come back and park elsewhere. However, now I'm paranoid about Fezzik attracting attention, so I am going to board him. Dwight has been super-kind enough to front me the money for one month of boarding, for which I am eternally grateful. This way, Fez doesn't have to be confined all day while I'm at work, and he'll get to play with other dogs and have people loving up on him, but he can still come home with me when this is all said and done.

Sigh. It will stretch things a bit, but Fezzik is worth it.

Also, I want to give a shoutout to Matt from Homeless Tales, who made the front page of Digg TWICE in two days!!!!! How awesome is that? I say, pretty awesome.

Also, thanks to Danny from Take Part - Jon (Beat on the Street) from Street Seen alerted me to your post on me. Thanks so much for the boost, and for thinking I have something to say :) I saw that you guys are linked up with the movie "the Soloist", and that's so freaking cool. I just bought that book a few days ago, can't wait to read it, and for the film.

Anyway - don't worry everybody, I'm OK! :)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Stranded. Well, Plegh.

Agh!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm stranded. Worst morning ever.

I had to relocate the trailer quickly last night. Got a text message from P. in the Wal-Mart lot. Some kids apparently were teasing Fezzik through the trailer window while I was at work and he started going insane barking and attracting attention, which is very very bad. So, the other RV-ers asked me to move, and I understand. I feel terrible.

So, I moved the trailer Sam's Club a few miles away (texted Aishwarya who told me to call her in the morning and she'd take me back to Wal-Mart to pick up my car).

Big mistake.

First of all, Sam's Club is located in a crummier town. And situated right by train tracks. This loud train comes through honking its horn, all night long... about every hour and a half. Which wakes me up every hour and a half.

Then, around 4 a.m., Fezzik starts barking nonstop and I can't figure out why because he's not much of a barker unless he thinks that a strange man might hurt me.

I finally get up, step outside, and there are about 50 Mexican immigrants standing around, cooking breakfast, etc. Apparently this is where they stand around all day looking for under-the-table work.

Well, fuck.

So Fezzik is going nuts because he doesn't like the jillion strange men hanging around my trailer.

(But wait, it gets worse.)

I go to call Aishwarya, figuring that I can find somewhere more suitable to move the trailer, and then get my car. The problem is, I can't find my phone. Nowhere in the trailer, nowhere in my purse. Since I used the GPS feature on it to find Sam's Club yesterday, I know the only other possible option is that I left it at the gas station I used yesterday to fuel up.

So I walk to the gas station.

The guy working there says "no, you have to ask the night guy who was here when you came in last night, he's the one that would know".

Because apparently they don't have a fucking lost and found box.

So I tell him it's an emergency, and ask if he can just call the guy. He says, like I'm an idiot, "no, the night guy sleeps during the day. He's sleeping".

Well, duh. I know that, and I'm really, really sorry, but this is fucking important, I'm homeless and I'm stranded and it's my fucking phone you asshole!!!!!!!!!!

(In my mind, that's what I said. Not really.)

He said if I left it there, the night guy probably took it with him and told me to come back tonight. Great. Just great. It's probably gone forever, someone probably found it and stole it, but fine. I'll try back tonight.

So I walk back to the trailer, grab my laptop, ignoring dumbass whistles and catcalls from 50 Mexican immigrants, and walk two and a half miles in the other direction, until I find a Starbucks.

And here I am, frantically e-mailing Aishwarya and Dwight (please, please check your e-mail, guys!!!!!). If I can at least get to my car, then I'll be OK for the day - maybe I can drive to Sprint and see if they replace stolen phones. Getting to my car is the fun part, though.

Sigh. I am so insanely, monstrously frustrated right now.



Monday, March 16, 2009

C'est Moi

My Face (Sort Of) Is Online

Well, the video interview with Mark Horvath of Hardly Normal is live here, as of today.

Some things you should know about me:

1) I do not, in fact, have a double chinned turkey neck in real life. I actually do have a jaw. I swear to God (Mark, please, please back me up on this!!!!!) I think that may just be the most unflattering angle on me ever, combined with the fact that the camera adds 20 lbs. (but why did it have to add them all in my face?!?!?!) So, yeah... kinda sorta mortified right now and kicking into damage control mode, because for all of my alleged stellar qualities, modesty is not one of them. I wish I could say it was, but... sorry. Like the vast majority of women, I desperately want to look pretty, especially in front of a zillion strangers :~\

2) I'm watching this video (with the sound down at work, so I still haven't yet gotten the full horrific impact of this thing - what does my voice sound like?!) and I am realizing that I'm incredibly twitchy when I'm nervous. I'm gesticulating and fidgeting a lot. This bugs me incredibly, which means I'll have to pay more attention to how I carry myself. Sigh.

3) My hair... Oh, god, my hair.

3) Lest you think I hate everything about myself and am just ragging and wallowing in self-pity, I do think that I have a pretty killer smile. And my St. Patty's Day Faery T-shirt kicks major arse (thanks for the present, Aishwarya!) So there.

4) Obviously the cat is out of the bag - my first name is Brianna (they accidentally used my full first name instead of just ~B~). Well... fuck. Please, if you must call me anything, call me Bri. All of my friends do. I like it better than Brianna, anyway.

*whew* I shall now run and hide my face in my hands. Right after putting myself back on the liquid diet (this is Orange County, after all). Jamba Juice shall thank me.


Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Bangs That Ate The World


Yesterday, I decided I should probably dye and trim my hair, since it was getting a bit out of control, and I want to continue looking presentable at my new job.

Luckily, my very first "official" job was at a beauty salon - I ran the front desk. I was twelve. I made friends with one of the hairdressers, L., and she has been cutting my hair on the cheap and/or free for the past 12 years. Touching up my roots presented more of a challenge... I thought it might be pushing it just a little too much to try coloring it in the bathroom of Planet Fitness, or the community college locker room. First of all, it's about an hour-long process; second of all, it smells of unholy chemicals. At some point, someone would probably notice me, and I really don't want random strangers to be aware of my existence or location at the moment :)

So, I took the plunge, went into the salon early, gave a brief synopsis of the situation, and begged L. to let me put my color on there while she worked on her previous client. She lent me a cape and told me to have at it. Crisis averted.

The end result of my little beauty splurge yesterday is the monster '60s bangs you see swallowing my face above. I love them. I've done it once before and it was fun, gave me a completely new look. Sometimes I need something to hide behind. Bangs are great for that.

My two youngest sisters are in Europe with their mom - currently, they're spending time in Italy. There are no words for how much I envy them. The 17-year old has recently found herself a girlfriend, I'm so happy for her.

On a whim, Aishwarya and I drove out to Hollywood yesterday to see Sunshine Cleaners at the only California theatre in which it is currently playing (goes wide release on 3/20). We were early and it turned out, the theatre was right across the street from Amoeba music store, a place which holds decidedly complicated memories for me. Aishwarya had never been, so, underestimating the power of said memories, I dragged her in. Of course, it all hit in this massive tidal wave of emotion as I browsed through racks of thousands of used DVDs, and I was overwhelmed by incredible sadness and pain, so that sucked in general.

The movie was great, touching and funny. I knew going in that it was a dramedy about sisters who start a crime scene cleanup business, so I knew parts of it might remind me of recent events, but I wasn't expecting the opening sequence, in which a man walks into a sporting goods store, asks to see a 20-gauge shotgun, and promptly sticks it under his chin and blows his brains out right there. I suppose it hit a little bit too close to home for me.

Also hitting close to home was Amy Adams in a role that just wrenched my gut. At one point, she says, "I'm good at getting men to want me... not date me or marry me... but want me". I wanted to start bawling right there. I know the feeling. I suppose the initial shotgun incident started me off thinking about my biological father. I started thinking about how he didn't love me and bailed out when I was 2, and how that kind of set the scene for my life and relationship history with men from there. Out of 7 relationships, not one has loved me. It's difficult being with someone for months or even years, yet never once hearing "I love you", from even a single man. Some men say it to women, even if it's not true. I didn't even get that. In my case, my men couldn't say it because it wasn't ever true. You start wondering, if someone can't love you after six months, or a year, or two and half years - perhaps you really are unloveable. Or why a man who openly despises cheating and cheaters - an "uncheatable" man - somehow managed to cheat only on you. You think, if you're the only one this uncheatable man could see himself cheating on, if you somehow drove the nicest man on the planet to cheat on you, there must be something really, really wrong with you. If you bared your soul and dared to become more intimate with each other than you ever thought possible, really exposed your guts and got up the courage to open up facets of yourself that no one had ever previously seen, and he still couldn't love you, then no one could. Someone asked me for 3 wishes recently, and I gave them - one for myself, two for homeless people in general, and all the time my fourth, overwhelming wish was silently screaming, unbidden, pulsing like a siren, underscoring ever word that I actually spoke: "I want to be loved. I want to be loved back!!!!!"

So, of course, that sent me spiraling along a line of similar negative and sad thinking, which is on the whole, you know, kind of the opposite of what I'm going for. Sigh. What can I say. I'm human. It happens.

Anyway, the original point of my post is that I have awesome new bangs, The Bangs That Came From Outer Space And Devoured The World. Lovely, aren't they?



Friday, March 13, 2009

On Best Friends



I'm telling you, it's awesome to have a best friend backing you up when you're in a situation like I am. I've been in positions before where I've felt like I had absolutely no support, nobody to turn to, and it's no picnic. When you've got the most amazing best friend in the world, though, nothing is too tough.

You guys have already read about "Dwight". Now, I am introducing you to "Aishwarya", the only other human being in my personal circle that has any idea about my current set of circumstances. I have given her a pseudonym, although she has given me permission to publish her photo here (this is the two of us last week, the day before my birthday, at a local community college theatre production).

Aishwarya has been my best friend since junior high school, when she moved to California from Bangladesh. We have been through some unbelievably tough times together, and she has endured a lot of personal B.S. throughout her young life, yet come out the other side stronger for it, and beautiful as ever. Despite her own incredibly busy and full life, Aishwarya has consistently found time to be there for me during all of this craziness. She is the kindest, most giving, biggest-hearted person I've ever met. Just wanted to give acknowledgement. She is heading off in June for about 6 months (job-related training) and I will miss her terribly.

As you can see, my face is still blotted out by the omnipresent green circle, haha. However, my face may soon enough be a matter of somewhat public record, even if my name/exact location shall not - a certain well-known homeless activist recently did a video interview with me *hides face in hands* so I suppose anyone interested enough may see me on camera soon. Blegh. I hate the way I look on film. Just so you know, they're not kidding when they say the camera adds 10 or 20 lbs. If you watch said interview, don't say I didn't warn you. :`(

I'm also going to be doing another interview tomorrow (this time by telephone) with a very kind and seemingly awesome-sauce journalist writing an article on the mobile homeless for the Daily Beast. How weird do I feel right now? I swear, I never thought the words "I'm going to be doing an interview" would come out of my mouth (fingers?) unless it was in the context of job-searching. Anyway, happy to do what I can to help put the issue out there.

Still... so very, very weird.

Yay!!! I have two blog "followers"!!!!! I have no idea what exactly this means, but woohoo.


Quickie: New Article Up on Homeless Tales

New article I wrote for Street Voices was posted on HomelessTales.com yesterday. Seems to have sparked a little bit of debate, which is good :)

Bad Choices vs. Just Plain Rotten Luck

Thursday, March 12, 2009

In Which ~B~ Finds Herself Alone In A Parking Lot

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.

* * * * *

My fellow mobile homeless have all taken their RVs and fled... not sure why; Wal-Mart/police haven't bothered us since talking to the manager; at least not to my knowledge - and no notes or tickets have appeared on my windshield. I knew P. was leaving for Lake Elsinore in the next couple of days - he found a campground out there and it's much closer to his 13-year-old daughter. But the rest, I fear, left because they thought they might be towed :`( This is so sad to me - there are so few suitable alternatives out there; if these people couldn't afford a campground and had to stay in a parking lot, where else will they be able to stay?

In any case, I am the sole trailer left in the parking lot (although there are still a few homeless left, all in cars/vans). I feel very naked, vulnerable, and stand-out-ish without a sea of trailers to blend into. Hopefully a few more will show up soon. I need cover. Plus, I got the opportunity to meet several of them over the last few days, and they were super awesome people. One was even a former dentist who spoke four languages!!!


* * * * *


Through newfound work connections (that's right, 2 days in - I waste absolutely no time), I seem to have possibly sorta maybe found someone who can get me financed for the house. He pointed out loopholes - as a first time homebuyer, I only need to come up with 3.5% down payment, and apparently there's some FHA program where I am allowed to ask for a seller's contribution of 6% of the sales price to pay all of the down payment and some or all of the closing costs. He also seems to think that the credit/debt won't be too much of a problem; thinks he can help me repair it in 35-60 days, especially now that I have a job. Downside of this is that I would have to schedule closing for at least 75 days out (leaving a buffer for any unexpected delays), but since the house is a short sale anyways, it's likely to take at least that long, if not longer (could even be 6 months), so that doesn't really make a difference. Please, please cross your fingers for me!!!

My bestest of the best friend, "Aishwarya" (she declined to pick her own pseudonym, so I named her after the most beautiful Bollywood star out there!) has a Human Services degree and is a certified grant writer. She is now the second personal acquaintance to be let in on my current situation. We went and had pina coladas on Monday to celebrate my new job, and just generally shot the breeze. Somehow, we stumbled upon the idea of having her write up a grant proposal to have the government give me some money to restore the house and use some of the rooms to accommodate 2-4 homeless women and children at a time, sort of a halfway house type thing (the home is pretty ginormous, like bed and breakfast big).

We'll see. I hope I hope I hope.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Playing Catch Up

The last couple of days have been insane and I'd really just like to relax, so here's a catch-up recap:

Two nights ago, came home to notice taped to the window of my trailer threatening to "evict" me: "WAL-MART DOES NOT ALLOW OVERNIGHT PARKING!!!!! MOVE OR YOU WILL BE TOWED!!!!!"

Well, um, actually... yes, they do allow overnight parking. In fact, I called in advance and spoke to a manger, making sure of it.

Turns out some newer moron did some really stupid things, such as running his noisy generator around 1 a.m., littering all around his trailer (we're talking paper trash, bottles, even socks!), and unhooking his trailer from his vehicle and leaving it in the parking lot while driving around in his truck, thereby technically "abandoning" a vehicle. Not only did he do all of this, but he did it while Wal-Mart corporate was visiting the store, and they took notice.

Long story short, five or six RVs fled that night in search of greener pastures, with no idea where to go. A few others and I stuck around, and two of us (myself and P., the "mayor" of the Wal-Mart parking lot, who has lived there for 4 months and counting) went into Wal-Mart in the morning to speak to the manager. We showered and put on business suits before going in.

The manager lady was nice (although she had to point out that we didn't "look" homeless. Well, duh. That's kind of the point). She said that corporate had visited the night before and that when they visit, they always send someone out to post those flyers on the long-term residents' RVs (although they leave the homeless living out of cars and vans alone, which is lucky for them).

P. showed the lady all of the Wal-Mart receipts he had accrued, demonstrating just how much business Wal-Mart gets from allowing him to stay. I explained that we were quiet and kept to ourselves, never littered, etc. I also told her that I have a full-time job and am not a "bum", I just need a place to park while I transition out of this, and had called ahead to make sure that would be OK.

She told us that we seemed nice and respectful, and recommended we just stay in the parking lot. She said that the store managers would not call the police on us or have us towed - they don't want to have to pay to tow giant RVs out, plus, they really have no problem with us being there as long as we don't draw attention to ourselves. Really, it was just the corporate office's beef, and they've left already. She said that if someone filed a complaint with the police, or the police came by of their own accord to speak to us, they would only ask us to move, not ticket or tow us. She said that if that happened, she would recommend moving to another Wal-Mart a few cities over, or to Sam's Club, for a night or two. Then we could come back.

So, we have stayed, and no problems so far, for the past couple of days. I feel really bad for the people that they scared out of there with those mean flyers, though. Where will they go? Sadly, the Lord of the Generator was not one of the ones that left, you'd think he could take a hint. P. went over to his truck and tore him a new one, and there has been no late-night generator running since, although there is still litter around his trailer. What a slob. The parking lot is FULL of trash cans. I swear, it only takes one inconsiderate moron to ruin it for the rest of us.


* * * * *


First day of work today, and I think it went pretty well! I love the people that I'm working with, they seem very fun-loving and laid-back. The job itself is busy, but not particularly difficult, or at least I've been able to pick up everything quickly so far. The company works with about 500 mortgage lenders, so I may be able to find financing for my house through them, despite weak-ish credit due to about $10K in debt (incurred when I turned 18 - not great, but it could be a lot worse, right?) Two of the marketing girls actually recommended me to one lender, so here's hoping!!!

I used to drive by "my" house (my best girlfriend calls it my castle; it's this giant Victorian fixer-upper with a big, gnarly chery-blossom tree in the front yard, and at night it looks like the Haunted Mansion) every couple of days to remind myself of what I was working towards, but I stopped doing it about a week and a half ago, because for a while it just seemed like there was no way it would ever happen and it was too painful - I started to fear that maybe I'd drive by one day and see a "SOLD!" sign on there, and break down and cry, knowing that I had missed my chance forever. However, it looks like there may still be a ray of hope left, so maybe I'll drive by again and give myself a perk-up.

Goals are important. If I can get the ball rolling on this house, I don't even care if it takes the full 6 months to purchase (short sale, they can take quite a while). I'll live in the trailer for 6 months, cheerfully waking up at 5 a.m. every day to drive to the gym and shower, so that I can head off to work and never tip off my coworkers that I'm living in a parking lot. I'll do it all with a smile on my face and never complain once, I swear, if it means that I can have my house (P.S. God, take note of the preceding. I know I don't particularly believe in you, but I swear I'll at least make the effort to, if you help this happen for me!) ;~P

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm HIRED!!!!!!!!!

Fantastically and completely unexpectedly, I have (as of today) joined the working homeless. My interview today panned out great and they hired me on the spot - I start Wednesday!!!

The company does internet marketing and search engine optimization, with a focus on clients who are mortgage lenders. I interviewed with the CEO and his Lead Developer. I got great vibes on the company, the people, work environment, and the general atmosphere of the place. After interviewing, I expected to at least have to wait a couple of days to find out (I was feeling pretty confident, but these days you never know) - but they asked me if I could start immediately! They said that they don't usually make a job offer right off the bat like that, but I seemed like the perfect fit for the company and their culture, and they saw no reason to see anyone else before making the decision!

Wow. Just... wow. I've never been so flabbergasted (or flattered) in my entire life. 8 MONTHS of searching and dead ends and sending out applications into cyberspace that may as well have been dead air because no one ever even called, and then... boom!

The position is really a catch-all, which is great because I will be able to build up my strength in all aspects of a business. It's a 31% cut in pay for me from my last position, but who cares - I'm being paid what the market will bear for my skills at this precise moment in time, and it's a HUGE increase over making nothing! The CEO made sure to mention to me that as the company grows, I will be offered pay raises and bonuses often, as he would really like to get me back up to my usual pay scale. It seems like they really try to take care of their employees there - I met the other workers, and they seemed cheerful and content with work and life in general, so how nice is that? What a change from the last guy who interviewed me last week. My official title is Executive Assistant, but the position will cover everything from Office Management to Human Resources to Payroll to Article Editor... There are 5 employees in the business, as well as a few freelance workers they've outsourced (company is growing and expanding, so adding some more) and I will be overseeing them all! How insane is all of this!? I'm terrified and thrilled, what a challenge!

Of course, I have to go to extra lengths to make sure that they never find out that I'm homeless, for however long that may be, but I'm pretty positive I can pull it off. As long as I arrive on time, work hard, and always appear polished and tidy, I don't foresee any major problems with it. I've tried to draw up an estimate of how long it will take me to get myself out of this and into a house. As near as I can tell, I should probably expect about 4-6 months, if all goes well and I budget very tightly, save as much as possible from each and every paycheck, and avoid emergencies and/or complications. I will, of course, still be updating tGGtH daily; new posts will probably arrive in the evenings, though, rather than mornings/afternoons as I have been doing.

Oh, my god. I'm exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It's still all sinking in.

Thank you guys for your support, I don't know that I'd have felt or projected nearly as much confidence if I didn't feel like I had an invisible band of cyber-homeless-activists cheering me on as a support network. Unbelievable.

Shameless plug: don't forget to send in your letters to Colbert and Jon Stewart, kids! Homeless Tales links to just about every major (and about a jillion minor) homeless activist/volunteer/shelter out there, in all areas of the world. If Homeless Tales gets a boost, we all get a boost, and the issue gets some major face time on TV in front of millions of viewers - I'm willing to bet more of the younger generation get their news from "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show" than from actual newspapers or news networks. And, the younger generation is the one that's going to take over and inherit the earth next, so earning their awareness is a pretty big deal. :)



Media Spotlight - Calling All Readers to Unite!



Hi all,

If you read this blog, I'm sure you're aware of HomelessTales.com, as it is by far the main referrer to my site (I'm a guest writer for Street Voices). Matt Barnes, the creator of Homeless Tales, knows just about every activist for homelessness out there, works tirelessly to debunk myths/stereotypes, and personally reaches out to the homeless, no matter what part of the world they live in. I'm very new to this homeless thing, but participating in Street Voices and discovering a whole new world of people to talk to - an entire new moral support system that I didn't realize existed - has been eye-opening and made my (thus far) short period of homelessness indescribably more bearable.

I quasi-seriously joked with Matt that we should get him on The Colbert Report, that would really put the issue on the map. Then, after thinking on it for about two seconds, I decided to do it. I'm impulsive like that. Besides, I think he has a lot to say on the issue, and a very articulate voice with which to say it (far more than, say, mine - which is kind of random and scattershot, not very focused or experienced at all).

So, yesterday I wrote to The Colbert Report and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, requesting Matt Barnes as a guest on the respective shows. Below is a sample of my letters (I have chosen Stephen Colbert's; Jon Stewart's is the exact same letter, except with his name substituted for Colbert's, and vice versa). I tried to inject a little humor into the letter, as these are, ultimately, comedians:


Requested "Colbert Report" Guest - Matthew Barnes of HomelessTales.com

Stephen T. Colbert c/o Renata Luczak Colbertnation.com 345 Hudson Street New York, NY 10014 Dear Mr. Colbert, How does one go about requesting for a cause to be featured on The Colbert Report? I am a (formerly employed, now laid-off, educated, graduate of the Bush administration-created economy) 24-year-old homeless woman writing from my local Starbucks in Orange County, CA (yes, I know, a homeless woman with a laptop! Even better, I live quasi-illegally in a Wal-Mart parking lot. With my dog. I wish I could say I were kidding). I have attached a recent photo of myself - as I'm sure you can tell, I make every effort to buck the undeserved "dirty bum" stereotype.

I would like to suggest Matthew Barnes, the founder of HomelessTales.com, as a guest on your show. Formerly homeless himself; he spends the vast majority of his time debunking popular myths and stereotypes about homelessness, and offering help to those in need as best he can on limited funding. Matt heads a project called "Street Voices" that is an exercise in self-inclusion for the participant writers (of whom I am one). Street Voices gives faces, names, and personalities to those with the stigma of having no home; and there are many of us in these dreary economic times. Each writer offers a different perspective on the issue of homelessness in general; as well as their own personal circumstances.

I have never formally met Matt, but we have corresponded via e-mail; as he makes an effort to personally help each and every reader who expresses an interest in his site, as well as any homeless individual in need. I truly believe that there is no one more worthy of the "Colbert Bump". Only a few days ago, Andrew Malcolm of the L.A. Times wrote a short but highly offensive article which was meant to be about Michelle Obama volunteering at a soup kitchen; but which turned into a national debate regarding the validity of a homeless man possessing something as useful (and essential to reversal of his circumstances) as a cell phone. This is a perfect time to focus upon the issue, which is growing nationally by the day. Homelessness has never been limited to mentally ill and drug addicts, as is commonly supposed; now more than ever there is a sharp increase in the percentage of homeless individuals desperately seeking work across the globe.

Please, Mr. Colbert, think of how embarassing it would be if Jon Stewart of the Daily Show got wind of this and snapped up Matt Barnes as a guest before you did - would you ever live down the shame and regret, knowing you could have gotten to him first? (By the way, I'm no dummy - I wrote the exact same letter to Jon Stewart. And now, I will step back and allow the cat-fight to commence!)

Matthew Barnes can be contacted at: mdbarnes@hotmail.co.uk. Please feel free to contact me if I can offer you any further information. I remain your devoted viewer (online - I don't have TV access at the moment!)

Regards,

B* * * * * K* * * *
Wal-Mart Store #* * * *
East Parking Lot
2*** E********,
****, CA 9****
(714) ***-****
b***k***@gmail.com
http://girlsguidetohomelessness.blogspot.com


So, I sent that off into cyberspace, feeling like it was a long shot, but hey, you never know, right? However, this morning, I received an e-mail from Steve Albani, the Vice President of Comedy Central in charge of the Daily Show. He thanked me for my e-mail and let me know that he had forwarded it on to Jon! I made sure to e-mail him back a quick line thanking him for his time and wishing him a fantastic week.

I don't know how many of you have seen The Shawshank Redemption, but this is the part where we bombard them with letters until they give us what we want :) I would like to ask each and every reader to spend 5 minutes and send in an e-mail requesting Matt as a guest on "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show". It doesn't have to be a long or explanatory e-mail like mine, a few lines will be sufficient, although if you would like to put in a short bit about yourself and your background, put a face/personality to the name, that may also be a good idea. But really, I just want to make them aware that there is a demand and an audience for this issue. Here is the contact info:

renata.luczak@comedycentral.com
Stephen T. Colbert
c/o Renata Luczak
Colbertnation.com
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014

steve.albani@comedycentral.com
Jon Stewart
c/o Steve Albani
The Daily Show
Comedy Central Press Offices
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014

Please remember to title your e-mails: Requested ["Colbert Report" or "Daily Show"] Guest - Matthew Barnes of HomelessTales.com for uniformity purposes (it clearly identifies the purpose of the e-mail, and a mass amount of e-mails with the same title will be difficult to ignore).

Please also remember to address your e-mails to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert directly, care of (c/o) the respective contacts listed above.

Thanks to everyone for your support, let's see if we can make this happen and put homelessness even further out there!

~B~

P.S. I just want to say that when I check the stats for this site, I'm astounded - I have readers in as remote locations as Pakistan, Slovakia, Peru, Japan, Germany, Sweden, Turkey, India, Czech Republic, U.K., Canada, Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, Netherlands, Poland, Germany... This is overwhelming to me. Tons of love to each and every one of my readers, both national and international. I am so grateful for the network of moral support!


Sunday, March 8, 2009

Free Phone Service and Revenge

In connection with yesterday's post, I would like to provide links to these two programs that offer free phone service for the impoverished and homeless:

SafeLink Wireless provides free cell phones and airtime to income-qualified individuals. Basically, if you make under about $14K/year, you qualify. It does say that you need a valid address to ship the phone to (no P.O. boxes accepted), but there's an easy way around this. I offer up this tip lifted from Survival Guide to Homelessness: "Get a mailbox at a UPS store or similar establishment, and use that as your home address. Don't get a post office box. PO Boxes are dead giveaways, but a commercial mailbox has a street address. The address will read 1234 Anystreet, PMB123. PMB stands for private mailbox. When you give your address substitute a pound sign (#), or Apt. Never write PMB. This will not affect delivery of mail".

The other program is Community Voice Mail, which can be used by anyone and everyone who needs it (no income limits apply). It can be used from any touch-tone phone, including pay phones, for free. If you have an e-mail address, you can also be notified via e-mail when you have received a message.

Some kind of phone access is almost essential for those homeless and trying to find work. If you do not have or cannot afford a phone, make use of these tools!

* * * * *

On the topic of revenge: It's not always a completely savory concept, but sometimes it's necessary.

First off, I should say that in my Wal-Mart parking lot, there are several other long-term homeless individuals living out of RVs, trailers, and cars. I haven't yet had the opportunity to interact with any of these people, as they all keep to themselves. Everything is kept very quiet and clean; I rarely, if ever, see anyone come and go. There is no littering, no noise, no nothing. It is almost eerily quiet around there, as if there is an implicit, unspoken agreement that none of us will attract attention to ourselves, and therefore, ruin the setup for everyone else. We all know that it only takes one complaint from a shopper or city resident to the police, and we may be asked to move. The majority of us have long outstayed Wal-Mart's "one or two nights" policy, and managed to blend - when it comes down to it, one trailer/car looks pretty much like another, right? However, it is a precarious situation at best, so everyone is incredibly clean and polite, so as not to give any cause for complaint.

There are these two little punks who seem to think that it's funny to drive their truck to the edge of the parking lot every night, around midnight or 1:00 a.m., and keep the homeless awake by blasting music as loud as it will go - we're not talking regular loud music here, we're talking subwoofers, the whole bit, until you can feel the vibrations in your bones.

They usually stay for about 20-30 minutes, and then drive off, laughing. Of course, no one ever does or says anything. It's not like you can open your window and shout "get out of here, you rotten kids! People are trying to sleep!" Everyone is conditioned to be absolutely quiet and still, ride it out, and let them pass. Don't draw more attention to ourselves. It's pretty jarring being woken up every night, but I suppose it's one of those things you learn to deal with when you're widely considered the scum-suckers on the bottom of the society tank.

Well, last night, I made a late-night run to the Circle K on the other side of the shopping center parking lot. And who do you suppose were there, filling up their gas tank? I made a big show out of sauntering over and writing down their license plates. They started getting belligerent, asking me what I was doing.

I told them I was the janitor for Wal-Mart (does Wal-Mart even have a janitor?!) and I wanted to know whom to file the noise complaint against with the police. I looked them in the eye, put on my steeliest dominatrix tone, and challenged them, "Go ahead, blast your music again. I dare you". I don't think they knew what to say. I walked away and went about my business at Circle K.

All was quiet last night. I don't think they'll bug us again. If they do, I have their license plate number. Rotten little punks.

Huzzah, I have struck a blow and claimed a (minor) victory in defense of my homeless brethren! *dances*

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Quickie: L.A. Times Writer Andrew Malcolm Clearly Quite Uninformed

This article makes my blood boil. You may wonder why, since it seems pretty straightforward until you read the last 3 lines:

Michelle Obama serves food to D.C. poor and homeless, but...

What a jerk. I want to know, Mr. Malcolm - exactly what is so "bothersome" about a homeless man scraping up some resources for himself, resources which are clearly quite useful as a means to get himself back on his feet? A cell phone costs far less than an apartment. Or perhaps this is even a resource which he had prior to becoming homeless - did you ever consider the possibility that he is a casualty of the hot economic mess that Bush landed us in? What exactly is he supposed to do, sell off any and all useful possessions upon losing his home, so that he can fit into your definition of poverty?

Would you like him better if he was dirtier, hungrier, perhaps mumbling to himself or pushing a shopping cart down the street full of random odds and ends?

How dare he own a cell phone, the better with which to receive job offers, or to dial 9-1-1 should he be endangered?!

*shakes head*

Some of the reader comments on the story infuriate me just as much - one reader even stated that the phone must be stolen! Unbelievable.



Disney Recap and Rant Against Supreme Court



Like I said, even the homeless can go out and have fun for free or on the über-cheap. I refuse to let my non-housed status, or any traumatic experience, define me. Disneyland was a nice change of pace for my birthday yesterday. I went on Space Mountain (my favorite!), Pirates of the Caribbean (of course!), the Haunted Mansion, Indiana Jones (my other favorite!) and... Splash Mountain.

I concede that the decision to ride Splash Mountain last, at nighttime, in the cold (followed by ice cream!!!!!), was probably one of my less stellar brainpower moments, and possibly even conclusive evidence of legal insanity.

Soaking wet and shivering, I decided that it was probably time to head back to the trailer for a warm change of clothes. After careful consideration, I have chosen to post a photo of my journey down Splash Mountain, as my face is so contorted (even beyond it's usual grotesqueness, haha!) that I doubt anyone would recognize me anyway :) Sorry for the poor quality:




Still not sure which one is me? Well, in the sea of happy, shiny people, I'm the one whose face is about 82% tonsils:





Still, a fun day. Thanks to Dwight for going with me, and for the Jack Skellington plushie - just what I wanted for my birthday! Something completely impractical, frivolous, and squishy!!! :)

As you can see, Jack is now riding around swinging from my purse:





Huzzah! Anyway, on a more serious note, I want to step off of the homeless topic for just a moment and express how disgusted I am with the California Supreme Court. As of yesterday, it would seem that they are leaning towards allowing Prop 8 to stand (thereby banning gay marriages), although they will not void the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed last year, thereby allowing them to keep their legally married status. By the way, these are the exact same justices that legalized gay marriage last year, prompting the hasty passage of Prop 8 by California voters (by an incredibly tiny margin, I might add!)

So which one is it, Supreme Court? Some gay people get rights where others don't? There's going to be a two-tiered system in California for gay marriage?! Honestly, I can't believe this whole mess. Gay marriage is a civil rights issue, in fact the civil rights issue of our time, it should never have been left up to the people to vote for or against at all. If women's and black civil rights issues had been left up to popular vote, who knows how much longer it would have taken for them to be granted fully equal legal status, or even if it would have happened at all?

I don't care what your religion is. Religious objections should never have been brought into it, and yet, the Bible is all I hear quoted from pro-Prop-8ers. Separation of church and state, people. If your religion doesn't want to recognize or perform gay marriages, nobody is forcing them to. By the same token, it is absolutely unconstitutional to force your religious beliefs upon others who do not happen to agree. Homosexual individuals are harming absolutely nobody. They just want to exist, be who they are, and claim the same set of rights that the rest of us are granted (legal marriage confers over 1,100 more rights than a civil union)! More power to them. They aren't trying to "turn" you gay, or impose their "gayness" upon you, they just want to live and let live. Hell, I personally have a moral objection to abortion - I think if I ever had one, I would find it difficult or impossible to forgive myself. Do I have the right to foist this belief upon others, deny them their legal right to choice? No. It is their legal and moral right to choose, according to their personal beliefs. I believe abortion is wrong, so I simply prevent unwanted pregnancy. Don't like gay marriage? Don't marry a gay person. Freedom of religon is a two-way street. You want protection for your personal Christian beliefs? Then you have to accept that the rest of the nation is protected as well, in that nobody is going to force them to accept your religion, or any religion at all, if they so choose. If your God is really so all-powerful and he has an objection, I'm sure that he will deal with it himself, in his own due time. So leave it up to him and stop interjecting religion into politics.

Look, I have a friend who is gay and in a long-term relationship, who has been counting the days until he can finally marry his partner. One of my little sisters is a lesbian. How could I invite them to my own wedding, walk down the aisle in their line of sight, taking full advantage of the rights I was granted and they were denied, simply because they were born with a different gene than I was? How can I look them in the face?

You make me sick, California Supreme Court.



Friday, March 6, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me.

Well, I'm 24 today. Just one more year until my quarter-century crisis. Eh, maybe I can have it a year early. I'm not one to stand on ceremony.

Heading to Disneyland this afternoon. They have this new policy where you get free admission on your birthday.

Later, I'd like to look into posting a blog about free/dirt-cheap entertainment options that are out there. Besides the daily worries, I occasionally have trouble with the mind-numbing boredom; although I am surrounded by a trailer full of books, sometimes you just need a change of scenery and pace. I think putting some fun into the experience is important, homeless individuals are just as deserving as anyone else to enjoy life a little.

My two best friends took me to the local college's production of "Guys and Dolls" last night, so that was a bit of a distraction from life. Musical theatre. Escapism at its finest. Nothing like a mob of sexy, sweaty, singing men doing arabesques in zoot suits to take your mind off your troubles :)

By the way, suddenly I seem to have all of these readers sending me encouraging comments on Twitter. Thanks so much to you guys for your support! If you write on similar topics (homelessness, unemployment, etc.), know that I am reading each and every one of your blogs, and linking to them under my "Related Content" section! It's great to have people out there to reach out to.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Interview-ness

Well, I had my interview this morning.

Sigh.

You know, within a week of being laid off from work, I got a job offer from an investment banker. At the time, the economy had started to crumble, but I don't think anyone quite realized the severity of the situation. I turned the job offer down. It paid slightly better than my former position, but the folks I had interviewed with were like corpses in business suits. I couldn't get... well, anything out of them. I kept searching for a sign of humanity, a smile or something. Desperate to make some kind of human connection with them, I even threw out a couple of jokes. Nothing. I had assumed that I completely bombed the interview, so it was definitely a surprise to receive the job offer.

I should have jumped on it. I should have. But all I kept thinking about were those interviewers who seemed so miserable, so completely deathlike, and I imagined the job sucking away any last vestige of spirit, individuality, creativity, and silliness that I retained. I was positive that a job like that would drain my soul bone-dry.

My boyfriend at the time thought I was crazy. And I suppose, in a way, he was right. But it's hard to describe the complete and utter panic that clawed at me when I visualized myself being swallowed up by that company. I wanted to be me, not a bad carbon copy of myself, a vague humorless imprint.

If I was offered that job again today, would I take it? Hell, yes. Would I stay there once the economy righted itself? I doubt it.

I felt the same kind of panic today at my interview, for different reasons. It wasn't a high-end financial firm this time, just a little chintzy office run by a quack of a guy who invents "health" aids that don't actually do anything, that nobody actually needs or uses except really paranoid/OCD people who buy everything they see in airplane catalogues (i.e., oxygen bars, personal UV lights to kill bacteria, et cetera). He was a bit of a pompous, insensitive ass, but I suppose not intolerable. The overwhelming, pervasive feeling of the office though... it was one of depressing resignation. Four or five people in one room, sitting at their computers, ignoring one another, keyboards clacking as they processed orders and data. When I walked in, no one looked up. No one spoke. Just clacking keyboards.

I suppose I should feel good that I even got in to interview - the owner told me that he had received over 1,000 resumés for the position. He is looking to make a decision by tomorrow, so at least by then I will know, no dangling and wondering here. I tried to muster up enthusiasm and put on my "interview face", but I don't know how well I did. I'm not much of an actor, and from the moment I entered the door, I felt heavy and overwhelmed with sadness. Everything just seemed grey. Somehow, I managed to keep the interview going for about a half an hour - asking my pre-selected questions, specifically chosen to maximize the appearance of my interest in the company.

Lest you think that I am picky and a whiny, selfish, spoiled brat - believe me, if I am offered the job, I will take it. And I will smile every day that I walk in there, no matter how much of a dead end I feel it is. I am under no illusions about the precariousness of my situation, or the likelihood that I will be offered another position anytime soon. Yes, I will take it.

I post my personal feelings and fears only so that you can see that I am human and imperfect too. I am not always able to look at the bright side, or find the silver lining in everything. I am no Pollyanna.

But... this is what it is. Sometimes, to get by, we just have to suck it up and take the most readily available option, until we can move up to something better.

Just don't do drugs or prostitution, kids! (By the way, I'm now a guest writer for Street Voices, how cool is that? After depressing interviews like this, at least I can head over to Starbucks and make believe, a little, that I'm a "writer", haha. So, there's still a little fun out there for me. Thanks, Matt!)


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Not Much

Very little to report today. It's raining again, so I'm happy! It's all nice and cool and refreshing outdoors, and I'm camped out at Starbucks in my snuggly plaid PJ bottoms and year-old Sweeney Todd sweatshirt, passing as just another college student :)

I was called for an interview tomorrow, huzzah! This will be the one. I can feel it. Well... I hope so, anyway.

Random Lighting Tip: If you are living in a car or an RV without electricity hookup, you can have enough light to read by at night. Purchase one of those bigger flashlights (the really chunky ones!) and stand it on its end. The light will reflect off of the ceiling and illuminates far better than candles (safer, too - candles can accidentally set stuff on fire). Plus, the batteries in those suckers last FOREVER. I have been using mine all week, and still running great!

Fezzik isn't a fan of the rain. It means no park visit for him and he's gotta stay in the trailer :`( Poor boy. I woke up this morning to a giant, droopy, sad-eyed face peering dejectedly over the side of the cot, as his tail thumped out a funereal mantra. He knew. Sigh.

So yeah, not much today, and tomorrow is going to be crazy busy with multiple errands, and Friday is my birthday; I'm taking full advantage of Disney's new "free admission on your b-day" policy, so I may step off my soapbox for a day or two, and just drop in the occasional quick update. I don't know that I have many readers just yet, so probably no psychostalkers out there, but if there are, now you know my exact location on Friday - Disneyland (where I would never actually pay to go, I used to work for The Mouse via subcontractor and hate them with a passion... but who am I to pass up an opportunity to mooch free stuff from them?) Anyway, if you're a psychostalker looking to chain me up in your dungeon and make me your unwilling sex slave, good luck finding me among the other 20,000 people there! *sticks out tongue and blows raspberries in the face of danger*

Actually, that was probably unwise. *hastily takes back the raspberries*

* * * * *

Edit: My pal Dwight just texted to me that he got a new job!!!!! Congratulations, Dwight! Here's to being well-paid in this crap economy! Now let's go out tomorrow and get that house! We won't take "no" for an answer!

* * * * *

Edit 2: Oh, man. I so wish that I had patience for working with people who hate/scream at me. Because I could see this being an incredibly interesting job:

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/npo/1060413314.html
http://dreamlifeguardian.com/employment.html

Alas, probably not my area of expertise. But still, can you see a job like this ever getting boring?! It'd probably be like working in the Winchester Mystery House!







Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Mental Health

It's a heartache. Bonnie Tyler told me so.

* * * * *

So, I've had to scale back on a lot of expenses since this ordeal began, and I'm sure I'll find a lot more that I have to cut back on. Yet, I've kept my therapist. Only in California, right?

Therapy always made me really nervous. I looked askance at the idea for many years, due to a bad childhood experience. My parents had dubbed me a "problem child" and dragged me to a shrink at the age of 9, when I suddenly dropped from an A+ GATE student to a D below-average. She seemed nice and asked me some questions. I wasn't completely sure why I was there, but I answered them. She asked my parents some questions. I ate the cookies she gave me. To sum up her opinion rather succinctly, she thought my parents were a bit crazy, and had more of a hand in my decline than they were letting on. They dragged me out of there and that night I was screamed at and beaten for "answering the questions wrong".

Since then, I was leery of this psychiatry thing. Certainly, if I ever went back, someone would blame me again for something.

I was a relatively good kid/teenager. I got excellent grades through high school, never even experimented with a single drug, didn't drink until I turned 21 and then only socially, never been drunk, never snuck out or partied... you get the picture. But a few months ago, it became clear that several issues in my past were coming out of the woodwork and affecting my day-to-day life, and even my sleeping habits. The fact that I had just lost my job to layoffs didn't help matters, and I started spiraling downwards into depression. A friend who recently got her human services degree referred me to a local mental health hotline (211 Orange County) that could set me up with a therapist on a sliding scale. I decided I'd go once, so I could prove to myself that therapy was as I remembered it.

I was set up with the most fantastic counselor. She is an incredibly wise woman, and I realized that there was someone out there who would listen to me unconditionally. I could pour out all of my "crazy" to this woman, and she didn't find it crazy at all. The fact that my life sounded like a twisted soap opera didn't seem to faze her. She believed me! Finally, after years of hearing that I was a deviant and a lost cause, that I was impossible to love, someone found me intelligent and capable; saw good qualities in me that even I didn't know were there. I am not perfect, and I still have plenty of flaws, to be sure, but when we discuss them it is always calmly and rationally, and she gently guides me towards new ideas/perspectives/conclusions without blaming, or being harsh and judgmental.

Now, more than ever, I need this kind of support. It is so easy to fall into depression just in regular, everyday life, especially with the current state of the world. When you are homeless, it is about twelve jillion times worse. You can find yourself dwelling on how you got here, how it might have been different, will you ever get out of this... The hours seem long and you can lose all concept of time and days of the week, because there's nothing to measure them by but this stretching, lonely ennui. I've been homeless for about a week, and I already know this. I can only imagine it gets worse the longer and more hopeless your situation seems. After therapy, I feel lighter, like I've just unloaded all the worry and fear that I was carrying around with me. Life always seems easier to face after I leave that office. No matter how tight for money I get, I will always set aside that small amount for my weekly therapist visit - I wish that I had caved and gone to therapy years ago. I wasted a lot of time that could have been put towards becoming a better version of myself.

If you're homeless and feel the need for counseling, there are free/cheap programs and resources available to you. If you're in the Orange County area, you can dial 2-1-1 and be connected to the hotline I mentioned above. A national directory of mental health resources and services can be found here and here. Need resources outside of the U.S.? Google "mental health" and the name of your country/province. If one particular therapist doesn't work for you, you don't like their approach, whatever, you can ask for another until you find someone you click with. Compatibility is key, just as it would be in any other relationship based on trust and confidentiality. I would recommend that everyone try it at least once anyway, but particularly if you are in this kind of life-changing circumstance. Your mental health is so important, and is just another resource that you should do everything possible to protect. It's your mind that will go the furthest in transitioning you out of homelessness. Take care of it. You are not as alone as you think.


Reaching California EDD Massively Sucks

This is the exact problem that I have been having all morning trying to get through to the California Employment Development Department:

Californians Battle Swamped State Phone Lines to Get Jobless Benefits

Yes, all morning. We're talking over five hours of back-to-back phone calls. The EDD doesn't even put you in a "hold" queue until a representative is available, you just get a recorded message essentially saying "there's a lot of calls, sucks to be you, try back later!" and then... disconnection.

Bastards.

I haven't received my extended benefits forms yet. The EDD website says to call if you haven't received them within 10 days. It's been over 2 weeks and I could really use the funds. I have tried various number combos posted online to get through, none of them are working... On one forum, they suggested calling the foreign language line - I just may try it, because nothing else is getting me to a representative.

Anyway, if anyone else out there is feeling like bashing your head against a wall over this, you are not alone.

Short post, maybe I'll update later tonight... my therapist just called to inform me that I forgot my session this morning, so I frantically rescheduled and now I'm running over there. Yes, I know. Homeless with a shrink. Only in California ;) Maybe this evening, when things settle down, I'll go into why although I've pared down a lot of stuff in my life due to this circumstance, I feel good mental health is more important than ever, and is worth continuing to pay for.


Monday, March 2, 2009

Job Searching and the Almighty Dollar

It's raining today. God, I love the rain. You don't see it much in Orange County.

* * * * *

Quick note: Please check out Homeless Tales, the brainchild of Matt Barnes from the UK. I spent several hours last night browsing through the stories that compile his Street Voices Project, and I was fascinated by the work of the various contributers. Matt and his writers are doing their utmost to raise awareness of this social issue, and to put faces to the various homeless out there, no matter their circumstances. I have a huge amount of respect for their work and send out my kudos to them. If you haven't already been, please check out Homeless Tales!

* * * * *

Once your most basic needs (shelter, food, and water) have been met, your mind will naturally turn to money - the most important long-term solution to get you out of this.

I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of panhandling. Many homeless people out there are mentally ill/addicts and feel this is their only recourse. I am not judging those individuals. They are humans as well and deserving of compassion and assistance - medical and rehabilitory assistance in addition to food and shelter. However, I have always worked and I am fully capable of continuing to work. I will not panhandle or beg for money. There are many less fortunate homeless people who do not have the advantages I have, who cannot/do not know how to care for themselves, and who need those contributions more than I do. If you are homeless and reading this blog, that means you have figured out how to access a computer - so chances are pretty high that you are self-reliant and have at least some rudimentary skills that qualify you to find yourself money without panhandling.

First of all, sell any assets that you will not need or that do not have irreplaceable sentimental value (i.e., your grandmother's wedding ring). If you have a laptop and phone and vehicle, obviously those are things that will come in useful to you. Items like furniture, decor, TV, stereo, etc. are not necessary and can be easily replaced once you are back on your feet. Only you can decide what you are willing to give up, but you will find that material belongings count for very little when you need to buy food and gasoline, or come up with enough money to put down a rental deposit so you can get off of the street. I have built up a collection of fine vintage clothing for several years - guess what's happening to that? I'm eBaying it off, piece by piece.

As an immediate/temporary solution, you may be able to apply for Unemployment Insurance (UI), State Disability Insurance (SDI), Social Security Disability, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), State Supplementary Payments (SSP) or welfare/food stamps. This guy I mentioned in a previous post has listed the various ins and outs of applying for these programs, including various rules and loopholes. There's nothing I can say here on those topics that he hasn't already, so visit his site and review your available options.

If you are not disabled in any way and are physically and mentally capable of working - find a job. Yes, the economy is in the toilet right now. Salaries have been slashed by about 20% on average. But there are jobs out there, even if competition is stiff for some of the higher-paying ones. If you are educated and formerly held a prestigious position - get over it. You may not be able to find something comparable to your last job right now. You may need to wait for the economy to right itself. Do not be too proud to take a lower-paying or less glamorous job in the interim. I did very well for myself in my former life and got every single job I ever interviewed for, but guess what? Right now I'm homeless, and although I have sent out hundreds of applications, the fish aren't biting. This means that I need to be willing to take anything that comes along (unless it pays less than my UI, in which case I would be shooting myself in the foot - you can't file for UI and work at the same time).

If you can find under-the-table work here and there, that is awesome. You are paid in cash and there is no record going to the IRS, so they can't tax you. This means that you can collect some supplemental income and still file for UI, if that is applicable to your situation. Many small business owners will pay under-the-table.

Search on Craigslist.org, Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, and any other job board you can find. If you have a professional-looking photo of yourself in business attire, attach it to every cover letter you e-mail out. Try to stand out from the sea of nameless, faceless applicants. Distinguish yourself. When hiring managers can put a face to the name, they are more likely to think of you as a person, and remember you when it comes down to weeding through the candidates and deciding who to bring in for interviews.

If you have never had a job, or are super-young and have no previous job experience, search for "entry-level" jobs. These are jobs that require no formal training. Apply at grocery stores, restaurants, retail chains; hell, apply to be the person in the oversized chicken suit outside of Chick-Fil-A! Apply to be the person in the Chuck-E suit at Chuck-E-Cheese. For many of these jobs, you don't have to apply online - walk right into an establishment and ask to speak to the manager. You may have the front desk person/receptionist/hostess ask you what this is regarding. Don't tell them up front that it's regarding applying for a job, they'll just try to re-route you, or hand you an application to fill out. You want the manager to actually meet you so that you get a chance to make an impression. If they tell you the manager is not available and try to hand you an application to get rid of you, ask to make an appointment to speak to the manager directly. Make sure that every time you visit the establishment, you are clean and well-dressed. Make sure your interview suit/dress is modest, in fashion, and unwrinkled. Do whatever you have to, just find a job and save as much of each paycheck as you can.

At no point during a job search should you tell anyone that you are homeless. It may be tempting to milk your circumstances for sympathy, but DON'T. It will rarely work. The vast majority of society has built-in prejudices against the homeless. If you look like a bum, people will treat you like a bum. If you don't look like you a bum, are well-dressed/qualified/articulate, but tell people you are homeless, they are still likely to treat you like a bum. Do not appeal to your interviewer in this manner. Never appear desperate. Project confidence and prepare for every interview hours or even days in advance. Find the company's website and read up on their mission statement, their philosophy, their history, and then drop nuggets of that into your responses to interview questions, so that hiring managers will know you have done your research on the company, will fit in well, and really want to work there.

That is the most important thing in an interview - you may be the most qualified person on the planet, but if you aren't particularly interested in the job or the company, they will hire someone less qualified who is. This may be a job you are just taking until you can get something better when the economy improves, but they don't need to know that. As far as an interviewer is concerned, this is your dream job and you will stay here until retirement, OK? You can always change your mind after you get the job and something better comes along. That is not illegal. But you need something right now, so stretch the truth if you must. Lie a little and say that you see yourself working your way up from a cashier at McDonalds to management at their corporate office. Stress your loyalty to your employer. This doesn't mean you have to stay there forever. You just need a job right now, do whatever you must to get it.

While job searching, look for other means to come up with extra money. You can sell belongings, as I've already noted. Or take a particular talent and start an e-business with it. I run a modest resumé-writing business on the side populated with friends and clients who have no idea that I am homeless. Set yourself up a webpage at Starbucks or the public library, and put your talents to good use. Promote yourself on Craigslist, Twitter, MySpace, or any one of hundreds of online resources. Invest in some cheap flyers and post them on college boards, community boards, Starbucks boards, anywhere you can. Market yourself.

Look into mystery shopping, or marketing companies who will pay you to stand around and promote their products. I did this a couple of years ago for extra cash on the side. I was one of those people who stood behind a table at Costco and handed out free samples on the weekends. You can laugh, but do you know how much I made doing that? $25/hour.

If you are a female in your 20s and you have no moral objection, you may want to look into donating your eggs (a lot of college students do it). You don't need to be a supermodel astrophysicist to do this (I certainly can't claim to be one, I'm just a spunky, cute-ish kid with a good head on her shoulders and a fair amount of common sense)! Many prospective parents out there are just looking for a donor who is physically reminiscent of them, and isn't a carrier for any major diseases or disabilities. I went to check out this opportunity today. I found an agency who is putting me in their database; if I am chosen as a donor, my first-time fee will be $5,500, plus all medical expenses. Keep in mind, if you pursue this option, it pays well for a reason. Sperm donors only get about $75 a pop because their donation process is quick, easy, painless, and pleasurable. For women, you EARN that money. It is a roughly 2-month long process involving self-injected hormones, monitoring appointments, psychological evaluations, and possible side effects. Take all of this into consideration before you make the decision. Personally, I have found that people have the remarkable ability to do things that they never thought they'd be able to do in dire circumstances. I never thought that I'd be able to ransack through a blood-and-brain-splattered suicide scene either, but I ended up having to do just that when my biological father shot himself in January, because my other family members were too queasy to do it, and someone had to. Take a hard look at yourself and decide what you are willing/able to do and where you draw your boundaries, and then stick to them.

There are opportunities to earn money honestly if you search for them. So many people out there are throwing their hands up in the air and blaming the sucky economy for not being able to find work. Don't be proud. Do what you must. Consider every alternative. You're homeless and jobless, do you really have anything better to do? Your job is to find a job.


Sunday, March 1, 2009

Quickie: Laguna Beach - Homeless Can Sleep There!

City's Homeless Can Sleep On Beach, For Now

Laguna Beach recently repealed a law prohibiting sleeping on public property, following a civil rights lawsuit alleging that it criminalized homelessness. One more option for you if you're an OC resident looking for a place to sleep without being harassed by police. As always, be safe and don't isolate yourself if you can avoid it.

Food

Before I start today's post, I just wanted to provide a link to this guy I just discovered: http://www.ihatemylife.us/. He spent a year homeless in Los Angeles County. He has a great list of free resources such as government programs, shelters, medical care, legal aid, etc (not all are in the L.A. area, many are national)! Check out his website, I am learning a lot from it myself.

Food and water. Besides sleep, they're the most basic needs you've got. Water is pretty easy to find free - drinking fountains, public sinks, etc. Food can be trickier.

You'll find that the cheapest items, that will fill you up the most, are not necessarily the healthiest for you. Which is fine if you aren't particularly concerned about being healthy - knock yourself out! You'll find that you can get über-filling fast food items for $1 or less at Taco Bell or those Burger Kings that serve 99 cent whoppers. If you don't have any money, you can always wander streets and parking lots looking for change. A few coins can buy you some rice, pasta, or ramen. These items are incredibly cheap, filling, and will last a while. Sooner or later, though, you may find yourself getting a bit chubby, and your health is a valuable asset that can help you weather your homeless experience.

There are soup kitchens out there that provide free food for the poverty-stricken. I've been to one once. A lot of these soup kitchens are run by churches, and require you to listen to a sermon or join in a prayer before you are provided with food. Only you can decide if you are OK with this. I was raised in an incredibly strict religion (I won't specify which, but the initials are J.W.) that follows a very literalist interpretation of the Bible, and utilizes practices such as male dominance, absolute conformity, and shunning of those who doubt or refuse to conform. Some have called it a cult; out of respect to family and acquaintances who follow this religion and find happiness in it, I will not refer to it as such. I will only say that since learning to think for myself rather than being told what to believe, I have found myself incredibly disillusioned with organized religion in general. My personal feelings are that I would be a hypocrite to accept aid from a church organization, in exchange for sitting and pretending to listen to the religion that they are trying to force-feed me. You may have no such qualms. Or, you may actually be a Christian, so such methods would be in line with your beliefs. The point of this blog isn't to criticize your beliefs, or to provoke religious debate. It is just to provide tips from my personal experiences that may help you in a dire circumstance.

Some soup kitchens and shelters are not religiously affiliated, so if that is of concern to you, look for one of these general community resources. Another thing that I have found helpful is looking up hotels and motels that include free breakfasts with their services. Find out what time breakfast starts and just show up. If you are dressed decently and smell clean, the chances are high that no one will notice that you are there, or that you aren't staying at that hotel. Note: hotels and motels are actually great resources for other items, such as ice and hygiene supplies. I'm ashamed to admit this, but on family vacations, my mother used to send my sister and I from floor to floor in the mornings, when the housekeepers were restocking rooms. Housekeepers leave their carts full of shampoo/conditioner/soap/body wash/paper towels/toilet paper/etc. in the hallways while they clean each room. Despite my protestations, my sister and I would gather up bags of "free" toiletries from each cart - sometimes there would be two or more maids on each floor. To this day, my mother has bags and bags worth of hotel supplies in her closet, many years' worth. There are also free ice machines outside of motels, if you have a tub or a bucket, you can fill up on ice for water, or just to help you keep cool on a hot day. Incredibly tacky? Yes, I suppose, but if you're homeless and you don't have any money, it's an option. I've never been caught while doing this; it takes a maid a while to clean a hotel room. If you are caught, you may be asked to leave, but no one is going to prosecute you for taking a few complimentary toiletries. Like I've previously said, bend the rules a little if you must, just don't do anything blatantly prosecutable.

If you do have a little money or a souce of income (such as a job or unemployment), then check out local farmers' markets. They are generally held regularly, on certain days of the week. You can get fresh and affordable fruits and vegetables. Another option is checking out grocery stores and produce markets in neighborhoods that tend to have a high concentration of Latino residents. The produce in these markets tends to be very affordable and fresh - I recently found a produce market on the way to my gym where you can get 4 lbs. of tomatillos for $1.00, 3 lbs. of tomatoes for $1.00, etc. Come up with a dollar, and you could have enough fruit/veggies to last you for several days!

There's also the 99 cent store. Some of the stuff in there is a real bargain, some of it is crap; if you explore, you can find out which. Sometimes their produce is several days old and starting to go bad; you can avoid this by asking them what day of the week and time they generally put out new stuff. Shop on this day. You can find everything in 99 cent stores - food, makeup, shampoo, conditioner, other toiletries, tools, car maintenance supplies, etc. You can get 8 packets of Ramen there for 99 cents.

I'm not big on the idea of freeganism (dumpster-diving), but there's a whole subculture around it. I'm worried about germs, odor, plus the fact that going through a dumpster is generally a dead giveaway that you just may be homeless. People going through dumpsters attract attention, and you really do just want to blend in. However, if this is a viable option for you, by all means have at it. Good luck staying under the radar, though.

The simple truth is that there are a ton of options out there for food and sustenance for the homeless, you just have to know where to look. Resourcefulness. Cultivate it. It pays.