the Girl's Guide to Homelessness is MOVING!!!!! :)

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I have moved to www.girlsguidetohomelessness.com - a kind stranger basically bought me a domain and is building me my own website!!! How crazy is that?!?!?!

It's a work in progress, so I have to play with it and do some tweaking, but thanks to Adam Warner (previously mentioned kind stranger), it already looks about ten bajillion times better than this blogspot does ;) Adam's super awesome - he saw the Invisible People video interview and did all of this out of the kindness of his heart, so please (shameless plug) visit his sites and return the love:

http://wordpressmodder.org
http://mybodypart.org
http://learnwebtools.com

At some point soon I'll just redirect my blogspot to point to the new site, but for now, it's manual. You can follow the link above to get there!

Much love and gratitude,

~B~

Fezzik and House Buying

Fezzik is boarded. It was difficult, not sure how big a fan of the boarding facility I am. I want to come and take him to the dog park on weekends (since they don't allow their canine boarders to play together). They said that I can, but they "discourage" it because I'll "depress" him... wtf?!?!?! So you're telling me I should go without seeing my dog for a really long time?!?! That he shouldn't be able to run and play at the park?! Screw that, he's hanging out at the park with me on the weekends. Seriously, I'm not sure how much better this boarding thing can be for him, sounds like he'll be getting less exercise and less interaction with other animals :(

They slipped a flimsy little lead over his neck to take him back to the room. I offered her his Halti nose lead, since he's used to it and it keeps him awesomely under control, just a little tug and he's putty in your hands, since like all dogs, he follows the direction of his nose. She said no and took it off and took him back.

I signed the last form and turned to leave. All of a sudden, commotion, and then Fezzik comes HURTLING out from the back rooms DRAGGING this hapless woman behind him, trying to follow me. He did NOT want me to leave him, he is just such a velcro dog and wants to be near me whenever I'm in the room.

She took the Halti after that and he went along meekly. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

* * * * *

House buying info (largely a copy-paste of a reply to a comment on my last post, since I'm lazy, haha): Dwight and I have completed our loan application, and are supposed to receive our prequalifying letter this week, upon which we can make an offer to the bank, woohoo!!!!!

Hopefully they will accept quickly, although there may be a counteroffer negotiation process. Closing will need to be scheduled for at least 75 days out. Short sales can take up to 6 months to process, I'm crossing my fingers for a quick and easy 75 days.

I am hoping to rent the cheapest month-to-month apartment I can find, as soon as I know the situation with the house offer. Due to the low price of the home, my mortgage will actually be lower than an apartment payment, plus I will have to expend a bit on down payment/closing costs. As a first-time homebuyer, I am apparently entitled to request a 6% seller credit from the purchase price to cover much of the down payment/closing closts, so much of these fees will be covered; however, I am trying to retain as much savings as possible in the meantime as a cushion in case there are still some fees I have to come up with.

Overall, it's one of those "wait and see" situations. I also need to find an apartment that will allow large dogs, which can be tough in the area (especially on a month-to-month basis, most landlords are looking for a longer-term commitment). Depending upon these factors, I may be able to squeak into an apartment, or I may have to wait until closing on the house.

Either way, I am soooooooo completely stoked about it. Here's some photos of the house, via GoogleEarth. As you can see, it's quite ginormous, and very old (1904 Victorian). From the pics, I'm sure you can tell it's a bit of a fixer-upper... one or two windows have been broken and boarded up, and will need to be replaced, and there's a fair amount of stuff in the backyard that I'm hoping the current owners remove when they leave. And I would love to paint it a new color. But the bones of the house are fantastic... isn't it beautiful? Just so much character. I can't have a new house; I love things old, with history behind them; I just want to jump in and start making it mine. All those little nooks and crannies and discoveries waiting to be made. I especially love the octagonal room on the side - I want it to be my room. There are about 8 bedrooms right now, but I'll probably want to scale that back a bit (although I want as many as possible, if I turn it into a halfway house for homeless women/children like I was considering). You can't see, but there's also a ginormous garage behind that's been converted into a guest house. And a basement and an attic - you never get that stuff in Orange County, especially no basements!!! First thing, though, I'm getting rid of the plastic kids' swing set (I don't have kids, and if I did, I'd find a nicer set, haha). So... yeah. There you go. A little window into my head and what I love and what makes me tick.

Actual Sequence of Events

~I sit at Starbucks all morning waiting for someone to get my frantic e-mails.
~Dwight gets on gtalk around 1:00 p.m. and I fill him in.
~Dwight calls the gas station again for me to see if my phone has been turned in. No dice.
~Dwight comes to Starbucks to take me to Sprint to replace my phone.
~On a whim, we use his cell call my phone to see if the dirty bastard who stole it will answer.
~Aishwarya picks up on the other end of the line.
~General confusion ensues.

What happened was this: some nice guy (Richard) found my phone at the gas station restroom and was apparently answering all the incoming calls to see if I would call. Aishwarya didn't hear from me in the morning like she was supposed to, started worrying, and called. Nice stranger Richard answered and explained what happened. He then proceeded to meet her at a local movie theatre and give her the phone.

Aishwarya still had no way to find me - she hadn't checked her e-mail yet - so she went on to a barbeque with some friends, at which point Dwight and I called, and were very confused to hear her voice on the line.

So - yay!!! All worked out well.

Dwight took me to the Wal-Mart parking lot, at which point P. came out of his RV and mentioned that he had also called my cell, and the same Richard guy had picked up. He had left a note on my dashboard with the guy's phone number.

I drove back to Starbucks, and Aishwarya met me there in a few hours after her barbeque was done, and gave me my phone and Richard's phone number. So now I need to call and thank him so, so very much.

The other new development is that starting tomorrow I am going to board Fezzik. The Sam's Club parking lot is not particularly safe at all (P. mentioned that he had sent another RV-er out there to drive by and see if I made it there OK, and they had seen the jillion random men hanging around my trailer, and were concerned). Wal-Mart is in a much safer neighborhood and the other members of my little RV community are around to watch out for me (I'm actually really touched that they cared enough to drive by Sam's Club). Anyway, P. told me to come back to Wal-Mart after a day or so and just try to leave every couple of days for a few hours, and then come back and park elsewhere. However, now I'm paranoid about Fezzik attracting attention, so I am going to board him. Dwight has been super-kind enough to front me the money for one month of boarding, for which I am eternally grateful. This way, Fez doesn't have to be confined all day while I'm at work, and he'll get to play with other dogs and have people loving up on him, but he can still come home with me when this is all said and done.

Sigh. It will stretch things a bit, but Fezzik is worth it.

Also, I want to give a shoutout to Matt from Homeless Tales, who made the front page of Digg TWICE in two days!!!!! How awesome is that? I say, pretty awesome.

Also, thanks to Danny from Take Part - Jon (Beat on the Street) from Street Seen alerted me to your post on me. Thanks so much for the boost, and for thinking I have something to say :) I saw that you guys are linked up with the movie "the Soloist", and that's so freaking cool. I just bought that book a few days ago, can't wait to read it, and for the film.

Anyway - don't worry everybody, I'm OK! :)

Stranded. Well, Plegh.

Agh!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm stranded. Worst morning ever.

I had to relocate the trailer quickly last night. Got a text message from P. in the Wal-Mart lot. Some kids apparently were teasing Fezzik through the trailer window while I was at work and he started going insane barking and attracting attention, which is very very bad. So, the other RV-ers asked me to move, and I understand. I feel terrible.

So, I moved the trailer Sam's Club a few miles away (texted Aishwarya who told me to call her in the morning and she'd take me back to Wal-Mart to pick up my car).

Big mistake.

First of all, Sam's Club is located in a crummier town. And situated right by train tracks. This loud train comes through honking its horn, all night long... about every hour and a half. Which wakes me up every hour and a half.

Then, around 4 a.m., Fezzik starts barking nonstop and I can't figure out why because he's not much of a barker unless he thinks that a strange man might hurt me.

I finally get up, step outside, and there are about 50 Mexican immigrants standing around, cooking breakfast, etc. Apparently this is where they stand around all day looking for under-the-table work.

Well, fuck.

So Fezzik is going nuts because he doesn't like the jillion strange men hanging around my trailer.

(But wait, it gets worse.)

I go to call Aishwarya, figuring that I can find somewhere more suitable to move the trailer, and then get my car. The problem is, I can't find my phone. Nowhere in the trailer, nowhere in my purse. Since I used the GPS feature on it to find Sam's Club yesterday, I know the only other possible option is that I left it at the gas station I used yesterday to fuel up.

So I walk to the gas station.

The guy working there says "no, you have to ask the night guy who was here when you came in last night, he's the one that would know".

Because apparently they don't have a fucking lost and found box.

So I tell him it's an emergency, and ask if he can just call the guy. He says, like I'm an idiot, "no, the night guy sleeps during the day. He's sleeping".

Well, duh. I know that, and I'm really, really sorry, but this is fucking important, I'm homeless and I'm stranded and it's my fucking phone you asshole!!!!!!!!!!

(In my mind, that's what I said. Not really.)

He said if I left it there, the night guy probably took it with him and told me to come back tonight. Great. Just great. It's probably gone forever, someone probably found it and stole it, but fine. I'll try back tonight.

So I walk back to the trailer, grab my laptop, ignoring dumbass whistles and catcalls from 50 Mexican immigrants, and walk two and a half miles in the other direction, until I find a Starbucks.

And here I am, frantically e-mailing Aishwarya and Dwight (please, please check your e-mail, guys!!!!!). If I can at least get to my car, then I'll be OK for the day - maybe I can drive to Sprint and see if they replace stolen phones. Getting to my car is the fun part, though.

Sigh. I am so insanely, monstrously frustrated right now.

C'est Moi

My Face (Sort Of) Is Online

Well, the video interview with Mark Horvath of Hardly Normal is live here, as of today.

Some things you should know about me:

1) I do not, in fact, have a double chinned turkey neck in real life. I actually do have a jaw. I swear to God (Mark, please, please back me up on this!!!!!) I think that may just be the most unflattering angle on me ever, combined with the fact that the camera adds 20 lbs. (but why did it have to add them all in my face?!?!?!) So, yeah... kinda sorta mortified right now and kicking into damage control mode, because for all of my alleged stellar qualities, modesty is not one of them. I wish I could say it was, but... sorry. Like the vast majority of women, I desperately want to look pretty, especially in front of a zillion strangers :~\

2) I'm watching this video (with the sound down at work, so I still haven't yet gotten the full horrific impact of this thing - what does my voice sound like?!) and I am realizing that I'm incredibly twitchy when I'm nervous. I'm gesticulating and fidgeting a lot. This bugs me incredibly, which means I'll have to pay more attention to how I carry myself. Sigh.

3) My hair... Oh, god, my hair.

3) Lest you think I hate everything about myself and am just ragging and wallowing in self-pity, I do think that I have a pretty killer smile. And my St. Patty's Day Faery T-shirt kicks major arse (thanks for the present, Aishwarya!) So there.

4) Obviously the cat is out of the bag - my first name is Brianna (they accidentally used my full first name instead of just ~B~). Well... fuck. Please, if you must call me anything, call me Bri. All of my friends do. I like it better than Brianna, anyway.

*whew* I shall now run and hide my face in my hands. Right after putting myself back on the liquid diet (this is Orange County, after all). Jamba Juice shall thank me.

The Bangs That Ate The World

Yesterday, I decided I should probably dye and trim my hair, since it was getting a bit out of control, and I want to continue looking presentable at my new job.

Luckily, my very first "official" job was at a beauty salon - I ran the front desk. I was twelve. I made friends with one of the hairdressers, L., and she has been cutting my hair on the cheap and/or free for the past 12 years. Touching up my roots presented more of a challenge... I thought it might be pushing it just a little too much to try coloring it in the bathroom of Planet Fitness, or the community college locker room. First of all, it's about an hour-long process; second of all, it smells of unholy chemicals. At some point, someone would probably notice me, and I really don't want random strangers to be aware of my existence or location at the moment :)

So, I took the plunge, went into the salon early, gave a brief synopsis of the situation, and begged L. to let me put my color on there while she worked on her previous client. She lent me a cape and told me to have at it. Crisis averted.

The end result of my little beauty splurge yesterday is the monster '60s bangs you see swallowing my face above. I love them. I've done it once before and it was fun, gave me a completely new look. Sometimes I need something to hide behind. Bangs are great for that.

My two youngest sisters are in Europe with their mom - currently, they're spending time in Italy. There are no words for how much I envy them. The 17-year old has recently found herself a girlfriend, I'm so happy for her.

On a whim, Aishwarya and I drove out to Hollywood yesterday to see Sunshine Cleaners at the only California theatre in which it is currently playing (goes wide release on 3/20). We were early and it turned out, the theatre was right across the street from Amoeba music store, a place which holds decidedly complicated memories for me. Aishwarya had never been, so, underestimating the power of said memories, I dragged her in. Of course, it all hit in this massive tidal wave of emotion as I browsed through racks of thousands of used DVDs, and I was overwhelmed by incredible sadness and pain, so that sucked in general.

The movie was great, touching and funny. I knew going in that it was a dramedy about sisters who start a crime scene cleanup business, so I knew parts of it might remind me of recent events, but I wasn't expecting the opening sequence, in which a man walks into a sporting goods store, asks to see a 20-gauge shotgun, and promptly sticks it under his chin and blows his brains out right there. I suppose it hit a little bit too close to home for me.

Also hitting close to home was Amy Adams in a role that just wrenched my gut. At one point, she says, "I'm good at getting men to want me... not date me or marry me... but want me". I wanted to start bawling right there. I know the feeling. I suppose the initial shotgun incident started me off thinking about my biological father. I started thinking about how he didn't love me and bailed out when I was 2, and how that kind of set the scene for my life and relationship history with men from there. Out of 7 relationships, not one has loved me. It's difficult being with someone for months or even years, yet never once hearing "I love you", from even a single man. Some men say it to women, even if it's not true. I didn't even get that. In my case, my men couldn't say it because it wasn't ever true. You start wondering, if someone can't love you after six months, or a year, or two and half years - perhaps you really are unloveable. Or why a man who openly despises cheating and cheaters - an "uncheatable" man - somehow managed to cheat only on you. You think, if you're the only one this uncheatable man could see himself cheating on, if you somehow drove the nicest man on the planet to cheat on you, there must be something really, really wrong with you. If you bared your soul and dared to become more intimate with each other than you ever thought possible, really exposed your guts and got up the courage to open up facets of yourself that no one had ever previously seen, and he still couldn't love you, then no one could. Someone asked me for 3 wishes recently, and I gave them - one for myself, two for homeless people in general, and all the time my fourth, overwhelming wish was silently screaming, unbidden, pulsing like a siren, underscoring ever word that I actually spoke: "I want to be loved. I want to be loved back!!!!!"

So, of course, that sent me spiraling along a line of similar negative and sad thinking, which is on the whole, you know, kind of the opposite of what I'm going for. Sigh. What can I say. I'm human. It happens.

Anyway, the original point of my post is that I have awesome new bangs, The Bangs That Came From Outer Space And Devoured The World. Lovely, aren't they?