the Girl's Guide to Homelessness

the Girl's Guide to Homelessness is MOVING!!!!! :)

2009-03-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I have moved to www.girlsguidetohomelessness.com - a kind stranger basically bought me a domain and is building me my own website!!! How crazy is that?!?!?!

It's a work in progress, so I have to play with it and do some tweaking, but thanks to Adam Warner (previously mentioned kind stranger), it already looks about ten bajillion times better than this blogspot does ;) Adam's super awesome - he saw the Invisible People video interview and did all of this out of the kindness of his heart, so please (shameless plug) visit his sites and return the love:

http://wordpressmodder.org
http://mybodypart.org
http://learnwebtools.com

At some point soon I'll just redirect my blogspot to point to the new site, but for now, it's manual. You can follow the link above to get there!

Much love and gratitude,

~B~

Fezzik and House Buying

2009-03-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

Fezzik is boarded. It was difficult, not sure how big a fan of the boarding facility I am. I want to come and take him to the dog park on weekends (since they don't allow their canine boarders to play together). They said that I can, but they "discourage" it because I'll "depress" him... wtf?!?!?! So you're telling me I should go without seeing my dog for a really long time?!?! That he shouldn't be able to run and play at the park?! Screw that, he's hanging out at the park with me on the weekends. Seriously, I'm not sure how much better this boarding thing can be for him, sounds like he'll be getting less exercise and less interaction with other animals :(

They slipped a flimsy little lead over his neck to take him back to the room. I offered her his Halti nose lead, since he's used to it and it keeps him awesomely under control, just a little tug and he's putty in your hands, since like all dogs, he follows the direction of his nose. She said no and took it off and took him back.

I signed the last form and turned to leave. All of a sudden, commotion, and then Fezzik comes HURTLING out from the back rooms DRAGGING this hapless woman behind him, trying to follow me. He did NOT want me to leave him, he is just such a velcro dog and wants to be near me whenever I'm in the room.

She took the Halti after that and he went along meekly. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

* * * * *

House buying info (largely a copy-paste of a reply to a comment on my last post, since I'm lazy, haha): Dwight and I have completed our loan application, and are supposed to receive our prequalifying letter this week, upon which we can make an offer to the bank, woohoo!!!!!

Hopefully they will accept quickly, although there may be a counteroffer negotiation process. Closing will need to be scheduled for at least 75 days out. Short sales can take up to 6 months to process, I'm crossing my fingers for a quick and easy 75 days.

I am hoping to rent the cheapest month-to-month apartment I can find, as soon as I know the situation with the house offer. Due to the low price of the home, my mortgage will actually be lower than an apartment payment, plus I will have to expend a bit on down payment/closing costs. As a first-time homebuyer, I am apparently entitled to request a 6% seller credit from the purchase price to cover much of the down payment/closing closts, so much of these fees will be covered; however, I am trying to retain as much savings as possible in the meantime as a cushion in case there are still some fees I have to come up with.

Overall, it's one of those "wait and see" situations. I also need to find an apartment that will allow large dogs, which can be tough in the area (especially on a month-to-month basis, most landlords are looking for a longer-term commitment). Depending upon these factors, I may be able to squeak into an apartment, or I may have to wait until closing on the house.

Either way, I am soooooooo completely stoked about it. Here's some photos of the house, via GoogleEarth. As you can see, it's quite ginormous, and very old (1904 Victorian). From the pics, I'm sure you can tell it's a bit of a fixer-upper... one or two windows have been broken and boarded up, and will need to be replaced, and there's a fair amount of stuff in the backyard that I'm hoping the current owners remove when they leave. And I would love to paint it a new color. But the bones of the house are fantastic... isn't it beautiful? Just so much character. I can't have a new house; I love things old, with history behind them; I just want to jump in and start making it mine. All those little nooks and crannies and discoveries waiting to be made. I especially love the octagonal room on the side - I want it to be my room. There are about 8 bedrooms right now, but I'll probably want to scale that back a bit (although I want as many as possible, if I turn it into a halfway house for homeless women/children like I was considering). You can't see, but there's also a ginormous garage behind that's been converted into a guest house. And a basement and an attic - you never get that stuff in Orange County, especially no basements!!! First thing, though, I'm getting rid of the plastic kids' swing set (I don't have kids, and if I did, I'd find a nicer set, haha). So... yeah. There you go. A little window into my head and what I love and what makes me tick.

Actual Sequence of Events

2009-03-22T11:33:00.001-07:00

~I sit at Starbucks all morning waiting for someone to get my frantic e-mails.
~Dwight gets on gtalk around 1:00 p.m. and I fill him in.
~Dwight calls the gas station again for me to see if my phone has been turned in. No dice.
~Dwight comes to Starbucks to take me to Sprint to replace my phone.
~On a whim, we use his cell call my phone to see if the dirty bastard who stole it will answer.
~Aishwarya picks up on the other end of the line.
~General confusion ensues.

What happened was this: some nice guy (Richard) found my phone at the gas station restroom and was apparently answering all the incoming calls to see if I would call. Aishwarya didn't hear from me in the morning like she was supposed to, started worrying, and called. Nice stranger Richard answered and explained what happened. He then proceeded to meet her at a local movie theatre and give her the phone.

Aishwarya still had no way to find me - she hadn't checked her e-mail yet - so she went on to a barbeque with some friends, at which point Dwight and I called, and were very confused to hear her voice on the line.

So - yay!!! All worked out well.

Dwight took me to the Wal-Mart parking lot, at which point P. came out of his RV and mentioned that he had also called my cell, and the same Richard guy had picked up. He had left a note on my dashboard with the guy's phone number.

I drove back to Starbucks, and Aishwarya met me there in a few hours after her barbeque was done, and gave me my phone and Richard's phone number. So now I need to call and thank him so, so very much.

The other new development is that starting tomorrow I am going to board Fezzik. The Sam's Club parking lot is not particularly safe at all (P. mentioned that he had sent another RV-er out there to drive by and see if I made it there OK, and they had seen the jillion random men hanging around my trailer, and were concerned). Wal-Mart is in a much safer neighborhood and the other members of my little RV community are around to watch out for me (I'm actually really touched that they cared enough to drive by Sam's Club). Anyway, P. told me to come back to Wal-Mart after a day or so and just try to leave every couple of days for a few hours, and then come back and park elsewhere. However, now I'm paranoid about Fezzik attracting attention, so I am going to board him. Dwight has been super-kind enough to front me the money for one month of boarding, for which I am eternally grateful. This way, Fez doesn't have to be confined all day while I'm at work, and he'll get to play with other dogs and have people loving up on him, but he can still come home with me when this is all said and done.

Sigh. It will stretch things a bit, but Fezzik is worth it.

Also, I want to give a shoutout to Matt from Homeless Tales, who made the front page of Digg TWICE in two days!!!!! How awesome is that? I say, pretty awesome.

Also, thanks to Danny from Take Part - Jon (Beat on the Street) from Street Seen alerted me to your post on me. Thanks so much for the boost, and for thinking I have something to say :) I saw that you guys are linked up with the movie "the Soloist", and that's so freaking cool. I just bought that book a few days ago, can't wait to read it, and for the film.

Anyway - don't worry everybody, I'm OK! :)

Stranded. Well, Plegh.

2009-03-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Agh!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm stranded. Worst morning ever.

I had to relocate the trailer quickly last night. Got a text message from P. in the Wal-Mart lot. Some kids apparently were teasing Fezzik through the trailer window while I was at work and he started going insane barking and attracting attention, which is very very bad. So, the other RV-ers asked me to move, and I understand. I feel terrible.

So, I moved the trailer Sam's Club a few miles away (texted Aishwarya who told me to call her in the morning and she'd take me back to Wal-Mart to pick up my car).

Big mistake.

First of all, Sam's Club is located in a crummier town. And situated right by train tracks. This loud train comes through honking its horn, all night long... about every hour and a half. Which wakes me up every hour and a half.

Then, around 4 a.m., Fezzik starts barking nonstop and I can't figure out why because he's not much of a barker unless he thinks that a strange man might hurt me.

I finally get up, step outside, and there are about 50 Mexican immigrants standing around, cooking breakfast, etc. Apparently this is where they stand around all day looking for under-the-table work.

Well, fuck.

So Fezzik is going nuts because he doesn't like the jillion strange men hanging around my trailer.

(But wait, it gets worse.)

I go to call Aishwarya, figuring that I can find somewhere more suitable to move the trailer, and then get my car. The problem is, I can't find my phone. Nowhere in the trailer, nowhere in my purse. Since I used the GPS feature on it to find Sam's Club yesterday, I know the only other possible option is that I left it at the gas station I used yesterday to fuel up.

So I walk to the gas station.

The guy working there says "no, you have to ask the night guy who was here when you came in last night, he's the one that would know".

Because apparently they don't have a fucking lost and found box.

So I tell him it's an emergency, and ask if he can just call the guy. He says, like I'm an idiot, "no, the night guy sleeps during the day. He's sleeping".

Well, duh. I know that, and I'm really, really sorry, but this is fucking important, I'm homeless and I'm stranded and it's my fucking phone you asshole!!!!!!!!!!

(In my mind, that's what I said. Not really.)

He said if I left it there, the night guy probably took it with him and told me to come back tonight. Great. Just great. It's probably gone forever, someone probably found it and stole it, but fine. I'll try back tonight.

So I walk back to the trailer, grab my laptop, ignoring dumbass whistles and catcalls from 50 Mexican immigrants, and walk two and a half miles in the other direction, until I find a Starbucks.

And here I am, frantically e-mailing Aishwarya and Dwight (please, please check your e-mail, guys!!!!!). If I can at least get to my car, then I'll be OK for the day - maybe I can drive to Sprint and see if they replace stolen phones. Getting to my car is the fun part, though.

Sigh. I am so insanely, monstrously frustrated right now.

C'est Moi

2009-03-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

My Face (Sort Of) Is Online

2009-03-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well, the video interview with Mark Horvath of Hardly Normal is live here, as of today.

Some things you should know about me:

1) I do not, in fact, have a double chinned turkey neck in real life. I actually do have a jaw. I swear to God (Mark, please, please back me up on this!!!!!) I think that may just be the most unflattering angle on me ever, combined with the fact that the camera adds 20 lbs. (but why did it have to add them all in my face?!?!?!) So, yeah... kinda sorta mortified right now and kicking into damage control mode, because for all of my alleged stellar qualities, modesty is not one of them. I wish I could say it was, but... sorry. Like the vast majority of women, I desperately want to look pretty, especially in front of a zillion strangers :~\

2) I'm watching this video (with the sound down at work, so I still haven't yet gotten the full horrific impact of this thing - what does my voice sound like?!) and I am realizing that I'm incredibly twitchy when I'm nervous. I'm gesticulating and fidgeting a lot. This bugs me incredibly, which means I'll have to pay more attention to how I carry myself. Sigh.

3) My hair... Oh, god, my hair.

3) Lest you think I hate everything about myself and am just ragging and wallowing in self-pity, I do think that I have a pretty killer smile. And my St. Patty's Day Faery T-shirt kicks major arse (thanks for the present, Aishwarya!) So there.

4) Obviously the cat is out of the bag - my first name is Brianna (they accidentally used my full first name instead of just ~B~). Well... fuck. Please, if you must call me anything, call me Bri. All of my friends do. I like it better than Brianna, anyway.

*whew* I shall now run and hide my face in my hands. Right after putting myself back on the liquid diet (this is Orange County, after all). Jamba Juice shall thank me.

The Bangs That Ate The World

2009-03-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I decided I should probably dye and trim my hair, since it was getting a bit out of control, and I want to continue looking presentable at my new job.

Luckily, my very first "official" job was at a beauty salon - I ran the front desk. I was twelve. I made friends with one of the hairdressers, L., and she has been cutting my hair on the cheap and/or free for the past 12 years. Touching up my roots presented more of a challenge... I thought it might be pushing it just a little too much to try coloring it in the bathroom of Planet Fitness, or the community college locker room. First of all, it's about an hour-long process; second of all, it smells of unholy chemicals. At some point, someone would probably notice me, and I really don't want random strangers to be aware of my existence or location at the moment :)

So, I took the plunge, went into the salon early, gave a brief synopsis of the situation, and begged L. to let me put my color on there while she worked on her previous client. She lent me a cape and told me to have at it. Crisis averted.

The end result of my little beauty splurge yesterday is the monster '60s bangs you see swallowing my face above. I love them. I've done it once before and it was fun, gave me a completely new look. Sometimes I need something to hide behind. Bangs are great for that.

My two youngest sisters are in Europe with their mom - currently, they're spending time in Italy. There are no words for how much I envy them. The 17-year old has recently found herself a girlfriend, I'm so happy for her.

On a whim, Aishwarya and I drove out to Hollywood yesterday to see Sunshine Cleaners at the only California theatre in which it is currently playing (goes wide release on 3/20). We were early and it turned out, the theatre was right across the street from Amoeba music store, a place which holds decidedly complicated memories for me. Aishwarya had never been, so, underestimating the power of said memories, I dragged her in. Of course, it all hit in this massive tidal wave of emotion as I browsed through racks of thousands of used DVDs, and I was overwhelmed by incredible sadness and pain, so that sucked in general.

The movie was great, touching and funny. I knew going in that it was a dramedy about sisters who start a crime scene cleanup business, so I knew parts of it might remind me of recent events, but I wasn't expecting the opening sequence, in which a man walks into a sporting goods store, asks to see a 20-gauge shotgun, and promptly sticks it under his chin and blows his brains out right there. I suppose it hit a little bit too close to home for me.

Also hitting close to home was Amy Adams in a role that just wrenched my gut. At one point, she says, "I'm good at getting men to want me... not date me or marry me... but want me". I wanted to start bawling right there. I know the feeling. I suppose the initial shotgun incident started me off thinking about my biological father. I started thinking about how he didn't love me and bailed out when I was 2, and how that kind of set the scene for my life and relationship history with men from there. Out of 7 relationships, not one has loved me. It's difficult being with someone for months or even years, yet never once hearing "I love you", from even a single man. Some men say it to women, even if it's not true. I didn't even get that. In my case, my men couldn't say it because it wasn't ever true. You start wondering, if someone can't love you after six months, or a year, or two and half years - perhaps you really are unloveable. Or why a man who openly despises cheating and cheaters - an "uncheatable" man - somehow managed to cheat only on you. You think, if you're the only one this uncheatable man could see himself cheating on, if you somehow drove the nicest man on the planet to cheat on you, there must be something really, really wrong with you. If you bared your soul and dared to become more intimate with each other than you ever thought possible, really exposed your guts and got up the courage to open up facets of yourself that no one had ever previously seen, and he still couldn't love you, then no one could. Someone asked me for 3 wishes recently, and I gave them - one for myself, two for homeless people in general, and all the time my fourth, overwhelming wish was silently screaming, unbidden, pulsing like a siren, underscoring ever word that I actually spoke: "I want to be loved. I want to be loved back!!!!!"

So, of course, that sent me spiraling along a line of similar negative and sad thinking, which is on the whole, you know, kind of the opposite of what I'm going for. Sigh. What can I say. I'm human. It happens.

Anyway, the original point of my post is that I have awesome new bangs, The Bangs That Came From Outer Space And Devoured The World. Lovely, aren't they?

On Best Friends

2009-03-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

I'm telling you, it's awesome to have a best friend backing you up when you're in a situation like I am. I've been in positions before where I've felt like I had absolutely no support, nobody to turn to, and it's no picnic. When you've got the most amazing best friend in the world, though, nothing is too tough.

You guys have already read about "Dwight". Now, I am introducing you to "Aishwarya", the only other human being in my personal circle that has any idea about my current set of circumstances. I have given her a pseudonym, although she has given me permission to publish her photo here (this is the two of us last week, the day before my birthday, at a local community college theatre production).

Aishwarya has been my best friend since junior high school, when she moved to California from Bangladesh. We have been through some unbelievably tough times together, and she has endured a lot of personal B.S. throughout her young life, yet come out the other side stronger for it, and beautiful as ever. Despite her own incredibly busy and full life, Aishwarya has consistently found time to be there for me during all of this craziness. She is the kindest, most giving, biggest-hearted person I've ever met. Just wanted to give acknowledgement. She is heading off in June for about 6 months (job-related training) and I will miss her terribly.

As you can see, my face is still blotted out by the omnipresent green circle, haha. However, my face may soon enough be a matter of somewhat public record, even if my name/exact location shall not - a certain well-known homeless activist recently did a video interview with me *hides face in hands* so I suppose anyone interested enough may see me on camera soon. Blegh. I hate the way I look on film. Just so you know, they're not kidding when they say the camera adds 10 or 20 lbs. If you watch said interview, don't say I didn't warn you. :`(

I'm also going to be doing another interview tomorrow (this time by telephone) with a very kind and seemingly awesome-sauce journalist writing an article on the mobile homeless for the Daily Beast. How weird do I feel right now? I swear, I never thought the words "I'm going to be doing an interview" would come out of my mouth (fingers?) unless it was in the context of job-searching. Anyway, happy to do what I can to help put the issue out there.

Still... so very, very weird.

Yay!!! I have two blog "followers"!!!!! I have no idea what exactly this means, but woohoo.

Quickie: New Article Up on Homeless Tales

2009-03-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

New article I wrote for Street Voices was posted on HomelessTales.com yesterday. Seems to have sparked a little bit of debate, which is good :)

Bad Choices vs. Just Plain Rotten Luck

In Which ~B~ Finds Herself Alone In A Parking Lot

2009-03-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.

* * * * *

My fellow mobile homeless have all taken their RVs and fled... not sure why; Wal-Mart/police haven't bothered us since talking to the manager; at least not to my knowledge - and no notes or tickets have appeared on my windshield. I knew P. was leaving for Lake Elsinore in the next couple of days - he found a campground out there and it's much closer to his 13-year-old daughter. But the rest, I fear, left because they thought they might be towed :`( This is so sad to me - there are so few suitable alternatives out there; if these people couldn't afford a campground and had to stay in a parking lot, where else will they be able to stay?

In any case, I am the sole trailer left in the parking lot (although there are still a few homeless left, all in cars/vans). I feel very naked, vulnerable, and stand-out-ish without a sea of trailers to blend into. Hopefully a few more will show up soon. I need cover. Plus, I got the opportunity to meet several of them over the last few days, and they were super awesome people. One was even a former dentist who spoke four languages!!!

* * * * *

Through newfound work connections (that's right, 2 days in - I waste absolutely no time), I seem to have possibly sorta maybe found someone who can get me financed for the house. He pointed out loopholes - as a first time homebuyer, I only need to come up with 3.5% down payment, and apparently there's some FHA program where I am allowed to ask for a seller's contribution of 6% of the sales price to pay all of the down payment and some or all of the closing costs. He also seems to think that the credit/debt won't be too much of a problem; thinks he can help me repair it in 35-60 days, especially now that I have a job. Downside of this is that I would have to schedule closing for at least 75 days out (leaving a buffer for any unexpected delays), but since the house is a short sale anyways, it's likely to take at least that long, if not longer (could even be 6 months), so that doesn't really make a difference. Please, please cross your fingers for me!!!

My bestest of the best friend, "Aishwarya" (she declined to pick her own pseudonym, so I named her after the most beautiful Bollywood star out there!) has a Human Services degree and is a certified grant writer. She is now the second personal acquaintance to be let in on my current situation. We went and had pina coladas on Monday to celebrate my new job, and just generally shot the breeze. Somehow, we stumbled upon the idea of having her write up a grant proposal to have the government give me some money to restore the house and use some of the rooms to accommodate 2-4 homeless women and children at a time, sort of a halfway house type thing (the home is pretty ginormous, like bed and breakfast big).

We'll see. I hope I hope I hope.

Playing Catch Up

2009-03-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days have been insane and I'd really just like to relax, so here's a catch-up recap:

Two nights ago, came home to notice taped to the window of my trailer threatening to "evict" me: "WAL-MART DOES NOT ALLOW OVERNIGHT PARKING!!!!! MOVE OR YOU WILL BE TOWED!!!!!"

Well, um, actually... yes, they do allow overnight parking. In fact, I called in advance and spoke to a manger, making sure of it.

Turns out some newer moron did some really stupid things, such as running his noisy generator around 1 a.m., littering all around his trailer (we're talking paper trash, bottles, even socks!), and unhooking his trailer from his vehicle and leaving it in the parking lot while driving around in his truck, thereby technically "abandoning" a vehicle. Not only did he do all of this, but he did it while Wal-Mart corporate was visiting the store, and they took notice.

Long story short, five or six RVs fled that night in search of greener pastures, with no idea where to go. A few others and I stuck around, and two of us (myself and P., the "mayor" of the Wal-Mart parking lot, who has lived there for 4 months and counting) went into Wal-Mart in the morning to speak to the manager. We showered and put on business suits before going in.

The manager lady was nice (although she had to point out that we didn't "look" homeless. Well, duh. That's kind of the point). She said that corporate had visited the night before and that when they visit, they always send someone out to post those flyers on the long-term residents' RVs (although they leave the homeless living out of cars and vans alone, which is lucky for them).

P. showed the lady all of the Wal-Mart receipts he had accrued, demonstrating just how much business Wal-Mart gets from allowing him to stay. I explained that we were quiet and kept to ourselves, never littered, etc. I also told her that I have a full-time job and am not a "bum", I just need a place to park while I transition out of this, and had called ahead to make sure that would be OK.

She told us that we seemed nice and respectful, and recommended we just stay in the parking lot. She said that the store managers would not call the police on us or have us towed - they don't want to have to pay to tow giant RVs out, plus, they really have no problem with us being there as long as we don't draw attention to ourselves. Really, it was just the corporate office's beef, and they've left already. She said that if someone filed a complaint with the police, or the police came by of their own accord to speak to us, they would only ask us to move, not ticket or tow us. She said that if that happened, she would recommend moving to another Wal-Mart a few cities over, or to Sam's Club, for a night or two. Then we could come back.

So, we have stayed, and no problems so far, for the past couple of days. I feel really bad for the people that they scared out of there with those mean flyers, though. Where will they go? Sadly, the Lord of the Generator was not one of the ones that left, you'd think he could take a hint. P. went over to his truck and tore him a new one, and there has been no late-night generator running since, although there is still litter around his trailer. What a slob. The parking lot is FULL of trash cans. I swear, it only takes one inconsiderate moron to ruin it for the rest of us.

* * * * *

First day of work today, and I think it went pretty well! I love the people that I'm working with, they seem very fun-loving and laid-back. The job itself is busy, but not particularly difficult, or at least I've been able to pick up everything quickly so far. The company works with about 500 mortgage lenders, so I may be able to find financing for my house through them, despite weak-ish credit due to about $10K in debt (incurred when I turned 18 - not great, but it could be a lot worse, right?) Two of the marketing girls actually recommended me to one lender, so here's hoping!!!

I used to drive by "my" house (my best girlfriend calls it my castle; it's this giant Victorian fixer-upper with a big, gnarly chery-blossom tree in the front yard, and at night it looks like the Haunted Mansion) every couple of days to remind myself of what I was working towards, but I stopped doing it about a week and a half ago, because for a while it just seemed like there was no way it would ever happen and it was too painful - I started to fear that maybe I'd drive by one day and see a "SOLD!" sign on there, and break down and cry, knowing that I had missed my chance forever. However, it looks like there may still be a ray of hope left, so maybe I'll drive by again and give myself a perk-up.

Goals are important. If I can get the ball rolling on this house, I don't even care if it takes the full 6 months to purchase (short sale, they can take quite a while). I'll live in the trailer for 6 months, cheerfully waking up at 5 a.m. every day to drive to the gym and shower, so that I can head off to work and never tip off my coworkers that I'm living in a parking lot. I'll do it all with a smile on my face and never complain once, I swear, if it means that I can have my house (P.S. God, take note of the preceding. I know I don't particularly believe in you, but I swear I'll at least make the effort to, if you help this happen for me!) ;~P

I'm HIRED!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Fantastically and completely unexpectedly, I have (as of today) joined the working homeless. My interview today panned out great and they hired me on the spot - I start Wednesday!!!

The company does internet marketing and search engine optimization, with a focus on clients who are mortgage lenders. I interviewed with the CEO and his Lead Developer. I got great vibes on the company, the people, work environment, and the general atmosphere of the place. After interviewing, I expected to at least have to wait a couple of days to find out (I was feeling pretty confident, but these days you never know) - but they asked me if I could start immediately! They said that they don't usually make a job offer right off the bat like that, but I seemed like the perfect fit for the company and their culture, and they saw no reason to see anyone else before making the decision!

Wow. Just... wow. I've never been so flabbergasted (or flattered) in my entire life. 8 MONTHS of searching and dead ends and sending out applications into cyberspace that may as well have been dead air because no one ever even called, and then... boom!

The position is really a catch-all, which is great because I will be able to build up my strength in all aspects of a business. It's a 31% cut in pay for me from my last position, but who cares - I'm being paid what the market will bear for my skills at this precise moment in time, and it's a HUGE increase over making nothing! The CEO made sure to mention to me that as the company grows, I will be offered pay raises and bonuses often, as he would really like to get me back up to my usual pay scale. It seems like they really try to take care of their employees there - I met the other workers, and they seemed cheerful and content with work and life in general, so how nice is that? What a change from the last guy who interviewed me last week. My official title is Executive Assistant, but the position will cover everything from Office Management to Human Resources to Payroll to Article Editor... There are 5 employees in the business, as well as a few freelance workers they've outsourced (company is growing and expanding, so adding some more) and I will be overseeing them all! How insane is all of this!? I'm terrified and thrilled, what a challenge!

Of course, I have to go to extra lengths to make sure that they never find out that I'm homeless, for however long that may be, but I'm pretty positive I can pull it off. As long as I arrive on time, work hard, and always appear polished and tidy, I don't foresee any major problems with it. I've tried to draw up an estimate of how long it will take me to get myself out of this and into a house. As near as I can tell, I should probably expect about 4-6 months, if all goes well and I budget very tightly, save as much as possible from each and every paycheck, and avoid emergencies and/or complications. I will, of course, still be updating tGGtH daily; new posts will probably arrive in the evenings, though, rather than mornings/afternoons as I have been doing.

Oh, my god. I'm exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It's still all sinking in.

Thank you guys for your support, I don't know that I'd have felt or projected nearly as much confidence if I didn't feel like I had an invisible band of cyber-homeless-activists cheering me on as a support network. Unbelievable.

Shameless plug: don't forget to send in your letters to Colbert and Jon Stewart, kids! Homeless Tales links to just about every major (and about a jillion minor) homeless activist/volunteer/shelter out there, in all areas of the world. If Homeless Tales gets a boost, we all get a boost, and the issue gets some major face time on TV in front of millions of viewers - I'm willing to bet more of the younger generation get their news from "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show" than from actual newspapers or news networks. And, the younger generation is the one that's going to take over and inherit the earth next, so earning their awareness is a pretty big deal. :)

Media Spotlight - Calling All Readers to Unite!

2009-03-09T09:36:00.001-07:00

Hi all,

If you read this blog, I'm sure you're aware of HomelessTales.com, as it is by far the main referrer to my site (I'm a guest writer for Street Voices). Matt Barnes, the creator of Homeless Tales, knows just about every activist for homelessness out there, works tirelessly to debunk myths/stereotypes, and personally reaches out to the homeless, no matter what part of the world they live in. I'm very new to this homeless thing, but participating in Street Voices and discovering a whole new world of people to talk to - an entire new moral support system that I didn't realize existed - has been eye-opening and made my (thus far) short period of homelessness indescribably more bearable.

I quasi-seriously joked with Matt that we should get him on The Colbert Report, that would really put the issue on the map. Then, after thinking on it for about two seconds, I decided to do it. I'm impulsive like that. Besides, I think he has a lot to say on the issue, and a very articulate voice with which to say it (far more than, say, mine - which is kind of random and scattershot, not very focused or experienced at all).

So, yesterday I wrote to The Colbert Report and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, requesting Matt Barnes as a guest on the respective shows. Below is a sample of my letters (I have chosen Stephen Colbert's; Jon Stewart's is the exact same letter, except with his name substituted for Colbert's, and vice versa). I tried to inject a little humor into the letter, as these are, ultimately, comedians:

Requested "Colbert Report" Guest - Matthew Barnes of HomelessTales.com

Stephen T. Colbert c/o Renata Luczak Colbertnation.com 345 Hudson Street New York, NY 10014 Dear Mr. Colbert, How does one go about requesting for a cause to be featured on The Colbert Report? I am a (formerly employed, now laid-off, educated, graduate of the Bush administration-created economy) 24-year-old homeless woman writing from my local Starbucks in Orange County, CA (yes, I know, a homeless woman with a laptop! Even better, I live quasi-illegally in a Wal-Mart parking lot. With my dog. I wish I could say I were kidding). I have attached a recent photo of myself - as I'm sure you can tell, I make every effort to buck the undeserved "dirty bum" stereotype.

I would like to suggest Matthew Barnes, the founder of HomelessTales.com, as a guest on your show. Formerly homeless himself; he spends the vast majority of his time debunking popular myths and stereotypes about homelessness, and offering help to those in need as best he can on limited funding. Matt heads a project called "Street Voices" that is an exercise in self-inclusion for the participant writers (of whom I am one). Street Voices gives faces, names, and personalities to those with the stigma of having no home; and there are many of us in these dreary economic times. Each writer offers a different perspective on the issue of homelessness in general; as well as their own personal circumstances.

I have never formally met Matt, but we have corresponded via e-mail; as he makes an effort to personally help each and every reader who expresses an interest in his site, as well as any homeless individual in need. I truly believe that there is no one more worthy of the "Colbert Bump". Only a few days ago, Andrew Malcolm of the L.A. Times wrote a short but highly offensive article which was meant to be about Michelle Obama volunteering at a soup kitchen; but which turned into a national debate regarding the validity of a homeless man possessing something as useful (and essential to reversal of his circumstances) as a cell phone. This is a perfect time to focus upon the issue, which is growing nationally by the day. Homelessness has never been limited to mentally ill and drug addicts, as is commonly supposed; now more than ever there is a sharp increase in the percentage of homeless individuals desperately seeking work across the globe.

Please, Mr. Colbert, think of how embarassing it would be if Jon Stewart of the Daily Show got wind of this and snapped up Matt Barnes as a guest before you did - would you ever live down the shame and regret, knowing you could have gotten to him first? (By the way, I'm no dummy - I wrote the exact same letter to Jon Stewart. And now, I will step back and allow the cat-fight to commence!)

Matthew Barnes can be contacted at: mdbarnes@hotmail.co.uk. Please feel free to contact me if I can offer you any further information. I remain your devoted viewer (online - I don't have TV access at the moment!)

Regards,

B* * * * * K* * * *
Wal-Mart Store #* * * *
East Parking Lot
2*** E********,
****, CA 9****
(714) ***-****
b***k***@gmail.com
http://girlsguidetohomelessness.blogspot.com

So, I sent that off into cyberspace, feeling like it was a long shot, but hey, you never know, right? However, this morning, I received an e-mail from Steve Albani, the Vice President of Comedy Central in charge of the Daily Show. He thanked me for my e-mail and let me know that he had forwarded it on to Jon! I made sure to e-mail him back a quick line thanking him for his time and wishing him a fantastic week.

I don't know how many of you have seen The Shawshank Redemption, but this is the part where we bombard them with letters until they give us what we want :) I would like to ask each and every reader to spend 5 minutes and send in an e-mail requesting Matt as a guest on "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show". It doesn't have to be a long or explanatory e-mail like mine, a few lines will be sufficient, although if you would like to put in a short bit about yourself and your background, put a face/personality to the name, that may also be a good idea. But really, I just want to make them aware that there is a demand and an audience for this issue. Here is the contact info:

renata.luczak@comedycentral.com
Stephen T. Colbert
c/o Renata Luczak
Colbertnation.com
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014

steve.albani@comedycentral.com
Jon Stewart
c/o Steve Albani
The Daily Show
Comedy Central Press Offices
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014

Please remember to title your e-mails: Requested ["Colbert Report" or "Daily Show"] Guest - Matthew Barnes of HomelessTales.com for uniformity purposes (it clearly identifies the purpose of the e-mail, and a mass amount of e-mails with the same title will be difficult to ignore).

Please also remember to address your e-mails to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert directly, care of (c/o) the respective contacts listed above.

Thanks to everyone for your support, let's see if we can make this happen and put homelessness even further out there!

~B~

P.S. I just want to say that when I check the stats for this site, I'm astounded - I have readers in as remote locations as Pakistan, Slovakia, Peru, Japan, Germany, Sweden, Turkey, India, Czech Republic, U.K., Canada, Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, Netherlands, Poland, Germany... This is overwhelming to me. Tons of love to each and every one of my readers, both national and international. I am so grateful for the network of moral support!

Free Phone Service and Revenge

2009-03-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

In connection with yesterday's post, I would like to provide links to these two programs that offer free phone service for the impoverished and homeless:

SafeLink Wireless provides free cell phones and airtime to income-qualified individuals. Basically, if you make under about $14K/year, you qualify. It does say that you need a valid address to ship the phone to (no P.O. boxes accepted), but there's an easy way around this. I offer up this tip lifted from Survival Guide to Homelessness: "Get a mailbox at a UPS store or similar establishment, and use that as your home address. Don't get a post office box. PO Boxes are dead giveaways, but a commercial mailbox has a street address. The address will read 1234 Anystreet, PMB123. PMB stands for private mailbox. When you give your address substitute a pound sign (#), or Apt. Never write PMB. This will not affect delivery of mail".

The other program is Community Voice Mail, which can be used by anyone and everyone who needs it (no income limits apply). It can be used from any touch-tone phone, including pay phones, for free. If you have an e-mail address, you can also be notified via e-mail when you have received a message.

Some kind of phone access is almost essential for those homeless and trying to find work. If you do not have or cannot afford a phone, make use of these tools!

* * * * *

On the topic of revenge: It's not always a completely savory concept, but sometimes it's necessary.

First off, I should say that in my Wal-Mart parking lot, there are several other long-term homeless individuals living out of RVs, trailers, and cars. I haven't yet had the opportunity to interact with any of these people, as they all keep to themselves. Everything is kept very quiet and clean; I rarely, if ever, see anyone come and go. There is no littering, no noise, no nothing. It is almost eerily quiet around there, as if there is an implicit, unspoken agreement that none of us will attract attention to ourselves, and therefore, ruin the setup for everyone else. We all know that it only takes one complaint from a shopper or city resident to the police, and we may be asked to move. The majority of us have long outstayed Wal-Mart's "one or two nights" policy, and managed to blend - when it comes down to it, one trailer/car looks pretty much like another, right? However, it is a precarious situation at best, so everyone is incredibly clean and polite, so as not to give any cause for complaint.

There are these two little punks who seem to think that it's funny to drive their truck to the edge of the parking lot every night, around midnight or 1:00 a.m., and keep the homeless awake by blasting music as loud as it will go - we're not talking regular loud music here, we're talking subwoofers, the whole bit, until you can feel the vibrations in your bones.

They usually stay for about 20-30 minutes, and then drive off, laughing. Of course, no one ever does or says anything. It's not like you can open your window and shout "get out of here, you rotten kids! People are trying to sleep!" Everyone is conditioned to be absolutely quiet and still, ride it out, and let them pass. Don't draw more attention to ourselves. It's pretty jarring being woken up every night, but I suppose it's one of those things you learn to deal with when you're widely considered the scum-suckers on the bottom of the society tank.

Well, last night, I made a late-night run to the Circle K on the other side of the shopping center parking lot. And who do you suppose were there, filling up their gas tank? I made a big show out of sauntering over and writing down their license plates. They started getting belligerent, asking me what I was doing.

I told them I was the janitor for Wal-Mart (does Wal-Mart even have a janitor?!) and I wanted to know whom to file the noise complaint against with the police. I looked them in the eye, put on my steeliest dominatrix tone, and challenged them, "Go ahead, blast your music again. I dare you". I don't think they knew what to say. I walked away and went about my business at Circle K.

All was quiet last night. I don't think they'll bug us again. If they do, I have their license plate number. Rotten little punks.

Huzzah, I have struck a blow and claimed a (minor) victory in defense of my homeless brethren! *dances*

Quickie: L.A. Times Writer Andrew Malcolm Clearly Quite Uninformed

2009-03-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

This article makes my blood boil. You may wonder why, since it seems pretty straightforward until you read the last 3 lines:

Michelle Obama serves food to D.C. poor and homeless, but...

What a jerk. I want to know, Mr. Malcolm - exactly what is so "bothersome" about a homeless man scraping up some resources for himself, resources which are clearly quite useful as a means to get himself back on his feet? A cell phone costs far less than an apartment. Or perhaps this is even a resource which he had prior to becoming homeless - did you ever consider the possibility that he is a casualty of the hot economic mess that Bush landed us in? What exactly is he supposed to do, sell off any and all useful possessions upon losing his home, so that he can fit into your definition of poverty?

Would you like him better if he was dirtier, hungrier, perhaps mumbling to himself or pushing a shopping cart down the street full of random odds and ends?

How dare he own a cell phone, the better with which to receive job offers, or to dial 9-1-1 should he be endangered?!

*shakes head*

Some of the reader comments on the story infuriate me just as much - one reader even stated that the phone must be stolen! Unbelievable.

Disney Recap and Rant Against Supreme Court

2009-03-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

Like I said, even the homeless can go out and have fun for free or on the über-cheap. I refuse to let my non-housed status, or any traumatic experience, define me. Disneyland was a nice change of pace for my birthday yesterday. I went on Space Mountain (my favorite!), Pirates of the Caribbean (of course!), the Haunted Mansion, Indiana Jones (my other favorite!) and... Splash Mountain.

I concede that the decision to ride Splash Mountain last, at nighttime, in the cold (followed by ice cream!!!!!), was probably one of my less stellar brainpower moments, and possibly even conclusive evidence of legal insanity.

Soaking wet and shivering, I decided that it was probably time to head back to the trailer for a warm change of clothes. After careful consideration, I have chosen to post a photo of my journey down Splash Mountain, as my face is so contorted (even beyond it's usual grotesqueness, haha!) that I doubt anyone would recognize me anyway :) Sorry for the poor quality:

Still not sure which one is me? Well, in the sea of happy, shiny people, I'm the one whose face is about 82% tonsils:

Still, a fun day. Thanks to Dwight for going with me, and for the Jack Skellington plushie - just what I wanted for my birthday! Something completely impractical, frivolous, and squishy!!! :)

As you can see, Jack is now riding around swinging from my purse:

Huzzah! Anyway, on a more serious note, I want to step off of the homeless topic for just a moment and express how disgusted I am with the California Supreme Court. As of yesterday, it would seem that they are leaning towards allowing Prop 8 to stand (thereby banning gay marriages), although they will not void the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed last year, thereby allowing them to keep their legally married status. By the way, these are the exact same justices that legalized gay marriage last year, prompting the hasty passage of Prop 8 by California voters (by an incredibly tiny margin, I might add!)

So which one is it, Supreme Court? Some gay people get rights where others don't? There's going to be a two-tiered system in California for gay marriage?! Honestly, I can't believe this whole mess. Gay marriage is a civil rights issue, in fact the civil rights issue of our time, it should never have been left up to the people to vote for or against at all. If women's and black civil rights issues had been left up to popular vote, who knows how much longer it would have taken for them to be granted fully equal legal status, or even if it would have happened at all?

I don't care what your religion is. Religious objections should never have been brought into it, and yet, the Bible is all I hear quoted from pro-Prop-8ers. Separation of church and state, people. If your religion doesn't want to recognize or perform gay marriages, nobody is forcing them to. By the same token, it is absolutely unconstitutional to force your religious beliefs upon others who do not happen to agree. Homosexual individuals are harming absolutely nobody. They just want to exist, be who they are, and claim the same set of rights that the rest of us are granted (legal marriage confers over 1,100 more rights than a civil union)! More power to them. They aren't trying to "turn" you gay, or impose their "gayness" upon you, they just want to live and let live. Hell, I personally have a moral objection to abortion - I think if I ever had one, I would find it difficult or impossible to forgive myself. Do I have the right to foist this belief upon others, deny them their legal right to choice? No. It is their legal and moral right to choose, according to their personal beliefs. I believe abortion is wrong, so I simply prevent unwanted pregnancy. Don't like gay marriage? Don't marry a gay person. Freedom of religon is a two-way street. You want protection for your personal Christian beliefs? Then you have to accept that the rest of the nation is protected as well, in that nobody is going to force them to accept your religion, or any religion at all, if they so choose. If your God is really so all-powerful and he has an objection, I'm sure that he will deal with it himself, in his own due time. So leave it up to him and stop interjecting religion into politics.

Look, I have a friend who is gay and in a long-term relationship, who has been counting the days until he can finally marry his partner. One of my little sisters is a lesbian. How could I invite them to my own wedding, walk down the aisle in their line of sight, taking full advantage of the rights I was granted and they were denied, simply because they were born with a different gene than I was? How can I look them in the face?

You make me sick, California Supreme Court.

Happy Birthday To Me.

2009-03-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm 24 today. Just one more year until my quarter-century crisis. Eh, maybe I can have it a year early. I'm not one to stand on ceremony.

Heading to Disneyland this afternoon. They have this new policy where you get free admission on your birthday.

Later, I'd like to look into posting a blog about free/dirt-cheap entertainment options that are out there. Besides the daily worries, I occasionally have trouble with the mind-numbing boredom; although I am surrounded by a trailer full of books, sometimes you just need a change of scenery and pace. I think putting some fun into the experience is important, homeless individuals are just as deserving as anyone else to enjoy life a little.

My two best friends took me to the local college's production of "Guys and Dolls" last night, so that was a bit of a distraction from life. Musical theatre. Escapism at its finest. Nothing like a mob of sexy, sweaty, singing men doing arabesques in zoot suits to take your mind off your troubles :)

By the way, suddenly I seem to have all of these readers sending me encouraging comments on Twitter. Thanks so much to you guys for your support! If you write on similar topics (homelessness, unemployment, etc.), know that I am reading each and every one of your blogs, and linking to them under my "Related Content" section! It's great to have people out there to reach out to.

Interview-ness

2009-03-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I had my interview this morning.

Sigh.

You know, within a week of being laid off from work, I got a job offer from an investment banker. At the time, the economy had started to crumble, but I don't think anyone quite realized the severity of the situation. I turned the job offer down. It paid slightly better than my former position, but the folks I had interviewed with were like corpses in business suits. I couldn't get... well, anything out of them. I kept searching for a sign of humanity, a smile or something. Desperate to make some kind of human connection with them, I even threw out a couple of jokes. Nothing. I had assumed that I completely bombed the interview, so it was definitely a surprise to receive the job offer.

I should have jumped on it. I should have. But all I kept thinking about were those interviewers who seemed so miserable, so completely deathlike, and I imagined the job sucking away any last vestige of spirit, individuality, creativity, and silliness that I retained. I was positive that a job like that would drain my soul bone-dry.

My boyfriend at the time thought I was crazy. And I suppose, in a way, he was right. But it's hard to describe the complete and utter panic that clawed at me when I visualized myself being swallowed up by that company. I wanted to be me, not a bad carbon copy of myself, a vague humorless imprint.

If I was offered that job again today, would I take it? Hell, yes. Would I stay there once the economy righted itself? I doubt it.

I felt the same kind of panic today at my interview, for different reasons. It wasn't a high-end financial firm this time, just a little chintzy office run by a quack of a guy who invents "health" aids that don't actually do anything, that nobody actually needs or uses except really paranoid/OCD people who buy everything they see in airplane catalogues (i.e., oxygen bars, personal UV lights to kill bacteria, et cetera). He was a bit of a pompous, insensitive ass, but I suppose not intolerable. The overwhelming, pervasive feeling of the office though... it was one of depressing resignation. Four or five people in one room, sitting at their computers, ignoring one another, keyboards clacking as they processed orders and data. When I walked in, no one looked up. No one spoke. Just clacking keyboards.

I suppose I should feel good that I even got in to interview - the owner told me that he had received over 1,000 resumés for the position. He is looking to make a decision by tomorrow, so at least by then I will know, no dangling and wondering here. I tried to muster up enthusiasm and put on my "interview face", but I don't know how well I did. I'm not much of an actor, and from the moment I entered the door, I felt heavy and overwhelmed with sadness. Everything just seemed grey. Somehow, I managed to keep the interview going for about a half an hour - asking my pre-selected questions, specifically chosen to maximize the appearance of my interest in the company.

Lest you think that I am picky and a whiny, selfish, spoiled brat - believe me, if I am offered the job, I will take it. And I will smile every day that I walk in there, no matter how much of a dead end I feel it is. I am under no illusions about the precariousness of my situation, or the likelihood that I will be offered another position anytime soon. Yes, I will take it.

I post my personal feelings and fears only so that you can see that I am human and imperfect too. I am not always able to look at the bright side, or find the silver lining in everything. I am no Pollyanna.

But... this is what it is. Sometimes, to get by, we just have to suck it up and take the most readily available option, until we can move up to something better.

Just don't do drugs or prostitution, kids! (By the way, I'm now a guest writer for Street Voices, how cool is that? After depressing interviews like this, at least I can head over to Starbucks and make believe, a little, that I'm a "writer", haha. So, there's still a little fun out there for me. Thanks, Matt!)

Not Much

2009-03-04T12:13:00.000-08:00

Very little to report today. It's raining again, so I'm happy! It's all nice and cool and refreshing outdoors, and I'm camped out at Starbucks in my snuggly plaid PJ bottoms and year-old Sweeney Todd sweatshirt, passing as just another college student :)

I was called for an interview tomorrow, huzzah! This will be the one. I can feel it. Well... I hope so, anyway.

Random Lighting Tip: If you are living in a car or an RV without electricity hookup, you can have enough light to read by at night. Purchase one of those bigger flashlights (the really chunky ones!) and stand it on its end. The light will reflect off of the ceiling and illuminates far better than candles (safer, too - candles can accidentally set stuff on fire). Plus, the batteries in those suckers last FOREVER. I have been using mine all week, and still running great!

Fezzik isn't a fan of the rain. It means no park visit for him and he's gotta stay in the trailer :`( Poor boy. I woke up this morning to a giant, droopy, sad-eyed face peering dejectedly over the side of the cot, as his tail thumped out a funereal mantra. He knew. Sigh.

So yeah, not much today, and tomorrow is going to be crazy busy with multiple errands, and Friday is my birthday; I'm taking full advantage of Disney's new "free admission on your b-day" policy, so I may step off my soapbox for a day or two, and just drop in the occasional quick update. I don't know that I have many readers just yet, so probably no psychostalkers out there, but if there are, now you know my exact location on Friday - Disneyland (where I would never actually pay to go, I used to work for The Mouse via subcontractor and hate them with a passion... but who am I to pass up an opportunity to mooch free stuff from them?) Anyway, if you're a psychostalker looking to chain me up in your dungeon and make me your unwilling sex slave, good luck finding me among the other 20,000 people there! *sticks out tongue and blows raspberries in the face of danger*

Actually, that was probably unwise. *hastily takes back the raspberries*

* * * * *

Edit: My pal Dwight just texted to me that he got a new job!!!!! Congratulations, Dwight! Here's to being well-paid in this crap economy! Now let's go out tomorrow and get that house! We won't take "no" for an answer!

* * * * *

Edit 2: Oh, man. I so wish that I had patience for working with people who hate/scream at me. Because I could see this being an incredibly interesting job:

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/npo/1060413314.html
http://dreamlifeguardian.com/employment.html

Alas, probably not my area of expertise. But still, can you see a job like this ever getting boring?! It'd probably be like working in the Winchester Mystery House!

Mental Health

2009-03-03T20:02:00.001-08:00

It's a heartache. Bonnie Tyler told me so.

* * * * *

So, I've had to scale back on a lot of expenses since this ordeal began, and I'm sure I'll find a lot more that I have to cut back on. Yet, I've kept my therapist. Only in California, right?

Therapy always made me really nervous. I looked askance at the idea for many years, due to a bad childhood experience. My parents had dubbed me a "problem child" and dragged me to a shrink at the age of 9, when I suddenly dropped from an A+ GATE student to a D below-average. She seemed nice and asked me some questions. I wasn't completely sure why I was there, but I answered them. She asked my parents some questions. I ate the cookies she gave me. To sum up her opinion rather succinctly, she thought my parents were a bit crazy, and had more of a hand in my decline than they were letting on. They dragged me out of there and that night I was screamed at and beaten for "answering the questions wrong".

Since then, I was leery of this psychiatry thing. Certainly, if I ever went back, someone would blame me again for something.

I was a relatively good kid/teenager. I got excellent grades through high school, never even experimented with a single drug, didn't drink until I turned 21 and then only socially, never been drunk, never snuck out or partied... you get the picture. But a few months ago, it became clear that several issues in my past were coming out of the woodwork and affecting my day-to-day life, and even my sleeping habits. The fact that I had just lost my job to layoffs didn't help matters, and I started spiraling downwards into depression. A friend who recently got her human services degree referred me to a local mental health hotline (211 Orange County) that could set me up with a therapist on a sliding scale. I decided I'd go once, so I could prove to myself that therapy was as I remembered it.

I was set up with the most fantastic counselor. She is an incredibly wise woman, and I realized that there was someone out there who would listen to me unconditionally. I could pour out all of my "crazy" to this woman, and she didn't find it crazy at all. The fact that my life sounded like a twisted soap opera didn't seem to faze her. She believed me! Finally, after years of hearing that I was a deviant and a lost cause, that I was impossible to love, someone found me intelligent and capable; saw good qualities in me that even I didn't know were there. I am not perfect, and I still have plenty of flaws, to be sure, but when we discuss them it is always calmly and rationally, and she gently guides me towards new ideas/perspectives/conclusions without blaming, or being harsh and judgmental.

Now, more than ever, I need this kind of support. It is so easy to fall into depression just in regular, everyday life, especially with the current state of the world. When you are homeless, it is about twelve jillion times worse. You can find yourself dwelling on how you got here, how it might have been different, will you ever get out of this... The hours seem long and you can lose all concept of time and days of the week, because there's nothing to measure them by but this stretching, lonely ennui. I've been homeless for about a week, and I already know this. I can only imagine it gets worse the longer and more hopeless your situation seems. After therapy, I feel lighter, like I've just unloaded all the worry and fear that I was carrying around with me. Life always seems easier to face after I leave that office. No matter how tight for money I get, I will always set aside that small amount for my weekly therapist visit - I wish that I had caved and gone to therapy years ago. I wasted a lot of time that could have been put towards becoming a better version of myself.

If you're homeless and feel the need for counseling, there are free/cheap programs and resources available to you. If you're in the Orange County area, you can dial 2-1-1 and be connected to the hotline I mentioned above. A national directory of mental health resources and services can be found here and here. Need resources outside of the U.S.? Google "mental health" and the name of your country/province. If one particular therapist doesn't work for you, you don't like their approach, whatever, you can ask for another until you find someone you click with. Compatibility is key, just as it would be in any other relationship based on trust and confidentiality. I would recommend that everyone try it at least once anyway, but particularly if you are in this kind of life-changing circumstance. Your mental health is so important, and is just another resource that you should do everything possible to protect. It's your mind that will go the furthest in transitioning you out of homelessness. Take care of it. You are not as alone as you think.

Reaching California EDD Massively Sucks

2009-03-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

This is the exact problem that I have been having all morning trying to get through to the California Employment Development Department:

Californians Battle Swamped State Phone Lines to Get Jobless Benefits

Yes, all morning. We're talking over five hours of back-to-back phone calls. The EDD doesn't even put you in a "hold" queue until a representative is available, you just get a recorded message essentially saying "there's a lot of calls, sucks to be you, try back later!" and then... disconnection.

Bastards.

I haven't received my extended benefits forms yet. The EDD website says to call if you haven't received them within 10 days. It's been over 2 weeks and I could really use the funds. I have tried various number combos posted online to get through, none of them are working... On one forum, they suggested calling the foreign language line - I just may try it, because nothing else is getting me to a representative.

Anyway, if anyone else out there is feeling like bashing your head against a wall over this, you are not alone.

Short post, maybe I'll update later tonight... my therapist just called to inform me that I forgot my session this morning, so I frantically rescheduled and now I'm running over there. Yes, I know. Homeless with a shrink. Only in California ;) Maybe this evening, when things settle down, I'll go into why although I've pared down a lot of stuff in my life due to this circumstance, I feel good mental health is more important than ever, and is worth continuing to pay for.

Job Searching and the Almighty Dollar

2009-03-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

It's raining today. God, I love the rain. You don't see it much in Orange County.

* * * * *

Quick note: Please check out Homeless Tales, the brainchild of Matt Barnes from the UK. I spent several hours last night browsing through the stories that compile his Street Voices Project, and I was fascinated by the work of the various contributers. Matt and his writers are doing their utmost to raise awareness of this social issue, and to put faces to the various homeless out there, no matter their circumstances. I have a huge amount of respect for their work and send out my kudos to them. If you haven't already been, please check out Homeless Tales!

* * * * *

Once your most basic needs (shelter, food, and water) have been met, your mind will naturally turn to money - the most important long-term solution to get you out of this.

I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of panhandling. Many homeless people out there are mentally ill/addicts and feel this is their only recourse. I am not judging those individuals. They are humans as well and deserving of compassion and assistance - medical and rehabilitory assistance in addition to food and shelter. However, I have always worked and I am fully capable of continuing to work. I will not panhandle or beg for money. There are many less fortunate homeless people who do not have the advantages I have, who cannot/do not know how to care for themselves, and who need those contributions more than I do. If you are homeless and reading this blog, that means you have figured out how to access a computer - so chances are pretty high that you are self-reliant and have at least some rudimentary skills that qualify you to find yourself money without panhandling.

First of all, sell any assets that you will not need or that do not have irreplaceable sentimental value (i.e., your grandmother's wedding ring). If you have a laptop and phone and vehicle, obviously those are things that will come in useful to you. Items like furniture, decor, TV, stereo, etc. are not necessary and can be easily replaced once you are back on your feet. Only you can decide what you are willing to give up, but you will find that material belongings count for very little when you need to buy food and gasoline, or come up with enough money to put down a rental deposit so you can get off of the street. I have built up a collection of fine vintage clothing for several years - guess what's happening to that? I'm eBaying it off, piece by piece.

As an immediate/temporary solution, you may be able to apply for Unemployment Insurance (UI), State Disability Insurance (SDI), Social Security Disability, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), State Supplementary Payments (SSP) or welfare/food stamps. This guy I mentioned in a previous post has listed the various ins and outs of applying for these programs, including various rules and loopholes. There's nothing I can say here on those topics that he hasn't already, so visit his site and review your available options.

If you are not disabled in any way and are physically and mentally capable of working - find a job. Yes, the economy is in the toilet right now. Salaries have been slashed by about 20% on average. But there are jobs out there, even if competition is stiff for some of the higher-paying ones. If you are educated and formerly held a prestigious position - get over it. You may not be able to find something comparable to your last job right now. You may need to wait for the economy to right itself. Do not be too proud to take a lower-paying or less glamorous job in the interim. I did very well for myself in my former life and got every single job I ever interviewed for, but guess what? Right now I'm homeless, and although I have sent out hundreds of applications, the fish aren't biting. This means that I need to be willing to take anything that comes along (unless it pays less than my UI, in which case I would be shooting myself in the foot - you can't file for UI and work at the same time).

If you can find under-the-table work here and there, that is awesome. You are paid in cash and there is no record going to the IRS, so they can't tax you. This means that you can collect some supplemental income and still file for UI, if that is applicable to your situation. Many small business owners will pay under-the-table.

Search on Craigslist.org, Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, and any other job board you can find. If you have a professional-looking photo of yourself in business attire, attach it to every cover letter you e-mail out. Try to stand out from the sea of nameless, faceless applicants. Distinguish yourself. When hiring managers can put a face to the name, they are more likely to think of you as a person, and remember you when it comes down to weeding through the candidates and deciding who to bring in for interviews.

If you have never had a job, or are super-young and have no previous job experience, search for "entry-level" jobs. These are jobs that require no formal training. Apply at grocery stores, restaurants, retail chains; hell, apply to be the person in the oversized chicken suit outside of Chick-Fil-A! Apply to be the person in the Chuck-E suit at Chuck-E-Cheese. For many of these jobs, you don't have to apply online - walk right into an establishment and ask to speak to the manager. You may have the front desk person/receptionist/hostess ask you what this is regarding. Don't tell them up front that it's regarding applying for a job, they'll just try to re-route you, or hand you an application to fill out. You want the manager to actually meet you so that you get a chance to make an impression. If they tell you the manager is not available and try to hand you an application to get rid of you, ask to make an appointment to speak to the manager directly. Make sure that every time you visit the establishment, you are clean and well-dressed. Make sure your interview suit/dress is modest, in fashion, and unwrinkled. Do whatever you have to, just find a job and save as much of each paycheck as you can.

At no point during a job search should you tell anyone that you are homeless. It may be tempting to milk your circumstances for sympathy, but DON'T. It will rarely work. The vast majority of society has built-in prejudices against the homeless. If you look like a bum, people will treat you like a bum. If you don't look like you a bum, are well-dressed/qualified/articulate, but tell people you are homeless, they are still likely to treat you like a bum. Do not appeal to your interviewer in this manner. Never appear desperate. Project confidence and prepare for every interview hours or even days in advance. Find the company's website and read up on their mission statement, their philosophy, their history, and then drop nuggets of that into your responses to interview questions, so that hiring managers will know you have done your research on the company, will fit in well, and really want to work there.

That is the most important thing in an interview - you may be the most qualified person on the planet, but if you aren't particularly interested in the job or the company, they will hire someone less qualified who is. This may be a job you are just taking until you can get something better when the economy improves, but they don't need to know that. As far as an interviewer is concerned, this is your dream job and you will stay here until retirement, OK? You can always change your mind after you get the job and something better comes along. That is not illegal. But you need something right now, so stretch the truth if you must. Lie a little and say that you see yourself working your way up from a cashier at McDonalds to management at their corporate office. Stress your loyalty to your employer. This doesn't mean you have to stay there forever. You just need a job right now, do whatever you must to get it.

While job searching, look for other means to come up with extra money. You can sell belongings, as I've already noted. Or take a particular talent and start an e-business with it. I run a modest resumé-writing business on the side populated with friends and clients who have no idea that I am homeless. Set yourself up a webpage at Starbucks or the public library, and put your talents to good use. Promote yourself on Craigslist, Twitter, MySpace, or any one of hundreds of online resources. Invest in some cheap flyers and post them on college boards, community boards, Starbucks boards, anywhere you can. Market yourself.

Look into mystery shopping, or marketing companies who will pay you to stand around and promote their products. I did this a couple of years ago for extra cash on the side. I was one of those people who stood behind a table at Costco and handed out free samples on the weekends. You can laugh, but do you know how much I made doing that? $25/hour.

If you are a female in your 20s and you have no moral objection, you may want to look into donating your eggs (a lot of college students do it). You don't need to be a supermodel astrophysicist to do this (I certainly can't claim to be one, I'm just a spunky, cute-ish kid with a good head on her shoulders and a fair amount of common sense)! Many prospective parents out there are just looking for a donor who is physically reminiscent of them, and isn't a carrier for any major diseases or disabilities. I went to check out this opportunity today. I found an agency who is putting me in their database; if I am chosen as a donor, my first-time fee will be $5,500, plus all medical expenses. Keep in mind, if you pursue this option, it pays well for a reason. Sperm donors only get about $75 a pop because their donation process is quick, easy, painless, and pleasurable. For women, you EARN that money. It is a roughly 2-month long process involving self-injected hormones, monitoring appointments, psychological evaluations, and possible side effects. Take all of this into consideration before you make the decision. Personally, I have found that people have the remarkable ability to do things that they never thought they'd be able to do in dire circumstances. I never thought that I'd be able to ransack through a blood-and-brain-splattered suicide scene either, but I ended up having to do just that when my biological father shot himself in January, because my other family members were too queasy to do it, and someone had to. Take a hard look at yourself and decide what you are willing/able to do and where you draw your boundaries, and then stick to them.

There are opportunities to earn money honestly if you search for them. So many people out there are throwing their hands up in the air and blaming the sucky economy for not being able to find work. Don't be proud. Do what you must. Consider every alternative. You're homeless and jobless, do you really have anything better to do? Your job is to find a job.

Quickie: Laguna Beach - Homeless Can Sleep There!

2009-03-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

City's Homeless Can Sleep On Beach, For Now

Laguna Beach recently repealed a law prohibiting sleeping on public property, following a civil rights lawsuit alleging that it criminalized homelessness. One more option for you if you're an OC resident looking for a place to sleep without being harassed by police. As always, be safe and don't isolate yourself if you can avoid it.

Food

2009-03-01T15:51:00.000-08:00

Before I start today's post, I just wanted to provide a link to this guy I just discovered: http://www.ihatemylife.us/. He spent a year homeless in Los Angeles County. He has a great list of free resources such as government programs, shelters, medical care, legal aid, etc (not all are in the L.A. area, many are national)! Check out his website, I am learning a lot from it myself.

Food and water. Besides sleep, they're the most basic needs you've got. Water is pretty easy to find free - drinking fountains, public sinks, etc. Food can be trickier.

You'll find that the cheapest items, that will fill you up the most, are not necessarily the healthiest for you. Which is fine if you aren't particularly concerned about being healthy - knock yourself out! You'll find that you can get über-filling fast food items for $1 or less at Taco Bell or those Burger Kings that serve 99 cent whoppers. If you don't have any money, you can always wander streets and parking lots looking for change. A few coins can buy you some rice, pasta, or ramen. These items are incredibly cheap, filling, and will last a while. Sooner or later, though, you may find yourself getting a bit chubby, and your health is a valuable asset that can help you weather your homeless experience.

There are soup kitchens out there that provide free food for the poverty-stricken. I've been to one once. A lot of these soup kitchens are run by churches, and require you to listen to a sermon or join in a prayer before you are provided with food. Only you can decide if you are OK with this. I was raised in an incredibly strict religion (I won't specify which, but the initials are J.W.) that follows a very literalist interpretation of the Bible, and utilizes practices such as male dominance, absolute conformity, and shunning of those who doubt or refuse to conform. Some have called it a cult; out of respect to family and acquaintances who follow this religion and find happiness in it, I will not refer to it as such. I will only say that since learning to think for myself rather than being told what to believe, I have found myself incredibly disillusioned with organized religion in general. My personal feelings are that I would be a hypocrite to accept aid from a church organization, in exchange for sitting and pretending to listen to the religion that they are trying to force-feed me. You may have no such qualms. Or, you may actually be a Christian, so such methods would be in line with your beliefs. The point of this blog isn't to criticize your beliefs, or to provoke religious debate. It is just to provide tips from my personal experiences that may help you in a dire circumstance.

Some soup kitchens and shelters are not religiously affiliated, so if that is of concern to you, look for one of these general community resources. Another thing that I have found helpful is looking up hotels and motels that include free breakfasts with their services. Find out what time breakfast starts and just show up. If you are dressed decently and smell clean, the chances are high that no one will notice that you are there, or that you aren't staying at that hotel. Note: hotels and motels are actually great resources for other items, such as ice and hygiene supplies. I'm ashamed to admit this, but on family vacations, my mother used to send my sister and I from floor to floor in the mornings, when the housekeepers were restocking rooms. Housekeepers leave their carts full of shampoo/conditioner/soap/body wash/paper towels/toilet paper/etc. in the hallways while they clean each room. Despite my protestations, my sister and I would gather up bags of "free" toiletries from each cart - sometimes there would be two or more maids on each floor. To this day, my mother has bags and bags worth of hotel supplies in her closet, many years' worth. There are also free ice machines outside of motels, if you have a tub or a bucket, you can fill up on ice for water, or just to help you keep cool on a hot day. Incredibly tacky? Yes, I suppose, but if you're homeless and you don't have any money, it's an option. I've never been caught while doing this; it takes a maid a while to clean a hotel room. If you are caught, you may be asked to leave, but no one is going to prosecute you for taking a few complimentary toiletries. Like I've previously said, bend the rules a little if you must, just don't do anything blatantly prosecutable.

If you do have a little money or a souce of income (such as a job or unemployment), then check out local farmers' markets. They are generally held regularly, on certain days of the week. You can get fresh and affordable fruits and vegetables. Another option is checking out grocery stores and produce markets in neighborhoods that tend to have a high concentration of Latino residents. The produce in these markets tends to be very affordable and fresh - I recently found a produce market on the way to my gym where you can get 4 lbs. of tomatillos for $1.00, 3 lbs. of tomatoes for $1.00, etc. Come up with a dollar, and you could have enough fruit/veggies to last you for several days!

There's also the 99 cent store. Some of the stuff in there is a real bargain, some of it is crap; if you explore, you can find out which. Sometimes their produce is several days old and starting to go bad; you can avoid this by asking them what day of the week and time they generally put out new stuff. Shop on this day. You can find everything in 99 cent stores - food, makeup, shampoo, conditioner, other toiletries, tools, car maintenance supplies, etc. You can get 8 packets of Ramen there for 99 cents.

I'm not big on the idea of freeganism (dumpster-diving), but there's a whole subculture around it. I'm worried about germs, odor, plus the fact that going through a dumpster is generally a dead giveaway that you just may be homeless. People going through dumpsters attract attention, and you really do just want to blend in. However, if this is a viable option for you, by all means have at it. Good luck staying under the radar, though.

The simple truth is that there are a ton of options out there for food and sustenance for the homeless, you just have to know where to look. Resourcefulness. Cultivate it. It pays.

Sex and Prostitution = Bad Ideas

2009-02-28T13:25:00.000-08:00

A couple of blogs ago, I mentioned that using innocence and sweetness can be of great help to homeless women. I also mentioned that using sex to get what you need is a bad idea, and promised to go into it in a later blog. Here you go.

When I first found out that I was going to be homeless, I started searching online for survival tips and resources, specifically ones relating to women. One of the first articles that I found was written by a homeless girl. Her survival tips relied almost exclusively on sex. She advised using at least the hint of sexual promise in panhandling (and then backing out once money is obtained). She also had bright ideas regarding finding a "partner" to double as a drug supplier and pimp - "Consider yourself lucky if your partner also becomes your love, because then he'll have added motivation to protect you and ensure you're adequately doped up!"

Holy shit. I mean, for god's sake, is this really the only way to get by? How dangerous is this?! I don't care how uneducated you are, you don't need a genius I.Q. to keep under the radar, find an honest job, and survive on your own means, without illegal activity or drugs (I've already mentioned my thoughts on drugs in a previous blog).

Look, as a woman, you are definitely in a vulnerable position. However, it is easier than you might imagine to find help when you need it, just by asking. I'm not talking monetarily, either. Personally, I am not a fan of panhandling/begging (more on that in a later post) and feel that there are better, more self-reliant ways to get back on your feet. But there are always Good Samaritans out there willing to give your car a jump, or give you directions if you're lost, or advice on the nearest ______ facility.

Using sex or the promise of sex for money or other assistance is dangerous, not to mention demoralizing. Strangers who give you money hoping for sex will be very disappointed or downright angry if they do not get what they feel they paid for. Angry people can hurt you, or anonymously make the police aware of your existence. They can cause major problems for your under-the-radar lifestyle. Why would you want the help of someone who was only interested in your body, anyway? You're better than this. You have a mind, talents, and a host of other awesome qualities.

Crossing the line into prostitution is even more dangerous. STDs and pregnancy are your immediate physical concerns, of course. Beyond that, there is the risk of becoming another anonymous dead hooker. Prostitutes are targeted as potential homicides for a reason!!!!! They are convenient, numerous, easy to lure and dispatch. They may not have family members or friends concerned for them, so their deaths may go undetected for a longer period of time. Psychologically, a serial killer may get off on killing "dirty" women after using them for sex. These are just some of the reasons murderers use to justify prostitutes as the most viable target.

Then there are the mental effects. It may seem like a quick solution: "I'll just give this guy a quick hand job behind this grocery store, no one will ever have to know, I won't have to worry about pregnancy or STDs, and it'll make me a quick $20 to buy food for a day or two. It's not a big deal, I never even have to do it again after this". From there, it gets easier every time to justify the pattern, every time you're in need of a resource. It worked the last time, one more won't hurt, right? Every time you use sex as a weapon and a survival skill, you are degrading and objectifying yourself. You are relying on a quick and easy (albeit dangerous) method of meeting your needs, rather than learning useful and legal survival skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life. You will not feel good about yourself for sinking to prostitution; just more hardened and jaded. Later in life, when you dig yourself out of this hole, I can guarantee that you will look back on this decision with regret. You don't believe me? Head up Sunset Boulevard sometime and check out the hookers there. Prematurely aged from hard living and the effects of their lifestyle. Once you become a prostitute, it is difficult to survive any other way - you have come to view that as your most powerful weapon and honed skill. Even if you do lead a normal life again, you may have great difficulty within the confines of a committed relationship. It is difficult to interact with a boyfriend or husband in a healthy manner when you have taught yourself that sex is a commodity, rather than a shared expression of love and intimacy.

You have unlimited potential. You may or may not have had the advantages that I do, but you are an intelligent creature with a will to weather this. If you are reading this blog, that is a testament to the fact that you want to survive on your own merits, you want to get back on your feet. I beg you, please don't mess that up by making the decision to utilize sex to survive. You will work your way out of this, and you can do it honestly, without scamming or submitting to the sick and twisted desires of someone else to get by.

Thoughts on Having a Pet While Homeless

2009-02-27T22:05:00.000-08:00

I've already mentioned my dog several times in previous posts, so I thought I'd put a pic up so you can see him, and that he is indeed ginormous.

That's my baby, Fezzik, with me on his adoption day (I'm the anonymous-esque one behind the green circle). Fez is named after André the Giant's character in The Princess Bride, and if you know the movie, you can see why (many people, especially younger people, don't get the reference, so I have to spell it out for them... argh!!! I'm so disappointed in my generation). He's got that gentle giant thing going on, but you wouldn't know it to look at him. Since this photo has been taken, he has filled out a bit - he was underweight when I adopted him.

I know that, if this blog gets off the ground and establishes some kind of reader base, I will have people questioning my responsibility and/or sanity for keeping an animal while homeless, especially such a giant breed dog. There are many that would call keeping a pet in these circumstances irresponsible and selfish, and I can understand that - where do I get off, anyway? How dare I drag a helpless animal with me into this?

In most circumstances, I would agree with you. I'm no PETA activist or anything (apologies in advance if you are, no offense meant, I just like me some steak), but I am all for animal rights, and for the right of a pet to be not only loved, but well-cared for. Many individuals convicted of animal cruelty or hoarding love their animals very much, but do not have the means or knowledge to properly care for them. I want to say this right now: I do not believe that if you are homeless, you should run out and get an animal as a companion during this difficult time, or as a means of protection. To do so for those reasons alone is selfish and wrong. Likewise, if you have a pet that predates your homelessness, you may need to look into adopting it out to someone in more stable circumstances. It is a heartbreaking thing to give up an animal that you love, but if that is the best option for its welfare, then it is absolutely necessary. You may love your dog more than anybody in the world, but that's not going to mean a whole lot to him if he's starving because you can't pay for his food, never mind your own. If your situation is that dire, you need to make the choice to focus on yourself, and give him the most important gift that you can - stability, with someone who will love him as much as you. And feed him. And pay for his vet bills.

That said, there are several reasons that my situation allows for a dog. First of all, I have a source of income. I am on extended unemployment for the next 8 months, and now that I don't have a home, I also don't have rent or utility bills (which were the bulk of my financial responsibility). This makes it even easier to save money and use it to pay for the things that matter. I am fully able to pay for my dog's food, treats, toys, and even vet bills, should the need arise. Secondly, I have shelter. Living out of a 30-foot trailer is a luxury that many homeless people do not have. I am not keeping my dog cramped up in a car, or on the side of the road on a leash. He has a crate as his den, and a nice wide trailer to stretch his legs in. Third, I live within walking distance of a very large park with a lake, to which I take him daily. There are 8 acres of trees and grass for him to sniff, ducks for him to look at, and nice fishermen/children to pat his head.

Finally, if my situation were ever to deteriorate and become more dire, I would immediately contact the rescue from which I adopted Fezzik and make arrangements to return him. I love my dog. He is a source of companionship and comfort right now, and he is DEFINITELY a means of protection for a woman in a vulnerable state (people give me a wide berth on the sidewalk, you don't want to mess with a dog that looks like Fez). Pet ownership is a commitment that I take very seriously, and as long as I am fully capable of handling it, Fezzik will have a home with me. But when it comes down to it, I would send him back in a heartbeat if I couldn't provide for his needs. So far, he has not had to endure a single day without food, water, exercise, and love. Hopefully that will always be the case.

Anyway, if you're homeless, give careful consideration to your situation/assets/resources before you make a decision involving keeping a pet. There is one homeless shelter in California that accepts homeless men and women with pets. That is PETCO PLACE, at the PATH homeless shelter in Hollywood. And if they're full, you and your pet are out of luck. The only other such shelter in the entire nation, to my knowledge, is located in Florida. Animals do not make the decision about who adopts them; they are at your mercy. If you are in any way unable to meet a pet's needs, it is animal cruelty. PLEASE think about this before making a decision based on emotion and loneliness. Love is not a valid justification for stupidity or bad behavior.

So Far, So Good

2009-02-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

Fezzik and I are now firmly ensconced in our Wal-Mart parking lot. I spent my first homeless night sleeping peacefully. No one bothered me (or if they did, I slept right through it!) Fezzik didn't make a peep all night, no tickets/notices on the dashboards of my truck or car in the morning, so I'm assuming there was no trouble with anyone knocking on the door, or asking me to leave.

Now, if I can just have a few more weeks like that...

I am currently in the process of trying to purchase a home. I know, trying to buy a house while homeless/jobless. How novel, right? In any case, I already have a friend who would like to be my first tenant (I'm not giving out names or vital info, so he has requested that I call him "Dwight". I assumed that this was a tribute to Dwight from The Office, but he informed me that it is, in fact, Clive Owen's character from Sin City. Sigh. Men. Anyway, Dwight he shall be). Dwight is currently the only friend that I have told about my homeless state, I would prefer not to impose upon anyone, or be caught up in the stigma. We are working together to get the house - it is a huge, turn-of-the-century Victorian with two floors, several rooms, a double parlor, basement, attic, etc. It is beautiful - needs a little fixing up, but the bones of the house are good. I have a great love for all things old, historic, and nostalgic. It has always been my dream to buy my own old house and restore it to its former beauty, and now I finally have the chance. Because it is a fixer-upper, and because the current owners are being foreclosed on, the price is VERY affordable. I could afford the mortgage even on unemployment.

However, with my jobless/homeless state, I probably couldn't qualify on my own. So my friend/tenant/business partner Dwight is attempting to help me out a little. The home is a short sale, however, meaning that the purchase process could take anywhere from a couple of weeks to 90 days (or even longer, depending on the bank, who has approval on the final purchase price). It's not likely to take the full 90 days, from what the real estate agent said. The lender is Countrywide, and they are really quick about getting back to buyers, they just want to get the home off their books.

In any case, I am proof positive that there is always another approach. If one door is closed to you, look for another option. They are out there. I'm living in a parking lot and buying my dream home, a home the size of a bed-and-breakfast hotel with mostly-original architecture and features. There is always a way. Bend the rules to find it if you need to. Just don't do anything blatantly prosecutable :)

This is a pretty quick, off-the-cuff post, there are a couple of errands that I need to run to get myself more settled. If anyone out there is reading this and cares (I'm not sure, this is still a really new blog!) just know that I am OK and will be back tonight or tomorrow with more homeless survival tips.

Road Trip and General Thoughts on Police

2009-02-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

I spent my first official homeless morning watching the sun rise over the Colorado River.

It's a beautiful day.

I know I'm not a hopeless case (Thank you, Bono).

* * * * *

So, I am officially a gypsy, a nomad, a wanderer, whatever romantic crap I need to tell myself to get through this. Sometimes that's the only way to deal with stuff. Homelessness is serious business, but if you don't laugh about serious business, or find the romantic/fun/noble in it, then you will just break down and cry and feel dejected and hopeless, thus wasting valuable time that could otherwise be used working towards getting back into a house. Sarcasm and humor are my weapons.

So far, towing a trailer is not as difficult as I expected, which is excellent! I've only taken it about 6 miles, though. I'm stopped at the local Starbucks recharging my phone and posting on my laptop. It is going to take me considerably longer to get back to Orange County than it took to get to Blythe (which was about 2 hours, 45 minutes). I'm looking at a 4-5 hour return ride. My trusty mastiff Fezzik is with me, so at least I have company. Poor thing, I think he's mildly confused about what's going on. But he likes the car ride and being around me, so he's pretty happy.

Trailer smells funky (like fat, greasy man and dead animals/fish - the dude apparently did a lot of hunting and fishing) and has a lot of junk in it that I'll have to dump today so that I can fit my own boxes and Fezzik's crate in there. I'm less bothered by the smell and the mess than by the idea that I'll be sleeping on the bed that my pervert, drug-addict sperm donor used to jack off in, before he blew his brains out with a Remington 12-gauge. Ew. But, c'est la vie, have to roll with the punches, Oedipal/Electral undertones aside. First thing though, I'm stripping those bed linens and putting my own blankets on.

Was stopped by a police officer 5 miles outside of Blythe for speeding. Argh. Anyway, I know that I just spent the entire last blog telling all of the homeless women out there to come off as strong and independent and fearless, for protection. However, there are times when a general air of innocence and naïveté can serve you well. Learn when those times are. One of them is while dealing with police, which is likely to happen at some point.

Police officers can be assholes, I think most people will agree. But when it boils down to it, they are usually just doing their job, have a quota to fill, and all that jazz. They could possibly be more sympathetic, it's true. But you will not earn their sympathy if you give them attitude. Know your rights, and assert them if necessary, but always remain calm and sound appreciative, even if you aren't.

If you are pulled over by a police officer, the first thing that you should do is roll down your window and put your hands on the frame so that they can see them. The most dangerous moment for a police officer is first approaching a vehicle. They don't know if you are armed, so this is always when they are the most nervous. Putting your hands clearly in view so that they can see you do not have a weapon is a very reassuring gesture, and more than once a police officer has let me off with a warning based upon that alone. Don't cry, either. Officers HATE it when women cry. Not only does it make them feel a little bit like jerks, they also feel like you're manipulating them.

Pick your battles. If you do get a ticket, don't argue or get angry/defensive. This will not help you. Many officers have control issues, and enter the police force at least in part so that they get to exercise that aspect of their personality often. You can always go to court to try to argue the ticket (half the time, officers don't even show up and the ticket is automatically dismissed). If an officer catches you sleeping in your car and asks you to move along, either go (you can always find another parking lot) or, if you are parking at Wal-Mart/Sam's Club, politely say "Thank you for your concern, officer. Wal-Mart management has given me permission to park here overnight, as it is a private parking lot and that is their national policy. I would really appreciate it if you could check with them to verify that, before you ask me to move". It is important that you keep a sincere and humble tone here. Don't be snarky or triumphant. Always be sure to let them know that you realize they are doing their job and are grateful for the job they do to keep the community safe. It is OK to assert your rights, but if you're a jerk about it, they may ask you to move on, anyway. If politeness doesn't work and they ask you to leave anyway, just do it. It's not worth it to piss off a cop and end up in jail, or having your car impounded.

Being articulate and well-groomed always helps. It's sad, but officers are more likely to respond well to you if you don't seem like the stereotypical vagrant. This is unfortunate, since the less articulate/educated, more despondent homeless are the ones who really need the kindness and understanding most. But, it is the way it is. Use your intelligence and coherence to your advantage.

Naïveté will also work wonders for you. People, especially men, generally want to do whatever they can for a helpless female (even more so if you're cute!) It's a chivalry thing. Don't overdo it, just learn to be a little wide-eyed and lost, ask for help/advice because you've never done _______ before and you don't quite understand the process. Sometimes you can use this to explain away a traffic violation or other mistake. Or, you can use it like I did today - getting park rangers to help me hitch up the trailer to my truck, and connect the turn signal wires (because I sure as hell didn't know how). Learn when to be independent and when to use your natural feminine wiles a little (for good, not evil!!! Don't be Machiavellian, and try to stick with innocence and sweetness and cuteness, NOT sex - which is another post in itself... maybe I'll go into that tomorrow, but now I have to hit the road and get back to Orange County).

Safety

2009-02-25T16:20:00.000-08:00

The towing of the trailer was put off today by a couple of issues that cropped up (including unwanted meddling from a family member, needing to find a pin for the tow hitch, and the hours of the campground in Blythe). Blegh, but you have to learn to roll with the punches and make adjustments when you're in this kind of situation. Flexibility is your friend. So, I will be making the drive early tomorrow morning, around 3 a.m. That should give me time to get there and back and still have time to load up my belongings and my dog, and then head over to "my" parking lot by evening.

Anyway, today's topic is going to be safety. Resources are important when you're homeless, you learn to make the most of what you have. I am lucky, I have more than many - a vehicle/camper, a laptop, a phone, a little bit of money. You may not have these things (yet). But you do have what we all have: yourself.

You are the most important resource that you've got. Your body and your mind. As long as you're alive and healthy and physically/mentally capable of coming up with a plan and executing it, you will be OK. The situation that you're in may indeed be one of mind-boggling suckage. But you're alive. There is always another avenue, another option, another choice, another route, another door to pursue if one is closed off to you (and often, that door is reopened later on - check back on it after trying a few other options first). It is easy to panic when life throws up an unexpected obstacle. It may be a huge one, and it seems even huger when you panic over it. Learn to let the panic run its course, then calm down and look at the situation objectively. There is another approach, you just haven't thought of it yet.

Since you are your most valuable asset, take care of yourself. Anything material that you have/had/lost? It can be replaced, or at least reasonably substituted. You cannot be. It goes without saying that bad things happen to everyone, but you are in a far more vulnerable position living on the streets, and that goes double (quadruple!!!) if you are female. Women and children are thought of as easy prey and are most likely to be targeted by an attacker. So follow several tips to keep yourself safe:

1) Try to find a nicer part of town, with less of a reputation for crime. Become familiar with it and keep to that area as much as possible.

2) Keep to public, well-lit places as much as you can, especially at night. You are less likely to be attacked if you are surrounded by potential witnesses. Isolating yourself is a very, very bad idea. You don't want to put yourself in a position where no one will be around to hear you scream. Avoid alleyways, deserted parking lots, stairways/stairwells (use an elevator if there is one). In parking lots, don't park next to vans if you can avoid it. Vans have sliding doors and no windows. They are the ideal choice for a predator to hide out and pull unsuspecting women in as they park.

3) Arm yourself. I don't necessarily mean with a gun (they can be illegal to own without a permit anyway, and they are pretty easy to abuse or accidentally misuse). Get some mace from Wal-Mart (usually in the sporting goods section - huh?!) It will probably be locked up, but an employee can get it for you. You can get mace on unobtrusive little keychains, too. I have the largest legal pocket knife I could find (I used to need it for various utilitarian purposes back when I owned a horse, but now it doubles as a backup method of personal protection). If you can afford it, they even sell purse-sized Tasers now for women. You can even order them in girly colors like pink, if you're into that. They run about $300, but it's probably worth the splurge to have 50,000 volts of electricity at your disposal. In fact, I'm making a mental note on my checklist right now to pick one up for myself.

4) Be constantly aware of your surroundings. There's a difference between paranoia and healthy suspicion. Always be healthily suspicious (that's probably really bad grammar, but oh well). Stay away from drugs and alcohol (I have nothing against a little social drinking, but when you're homeless you will need all of your faculties, don't dull them with mind-altering substances). Always watch what's going on in your general vicinity. Attackers tend to look for women with long hair worn down or in a ponytail, it gives them something to grab onto (most difficult to grab is a tight bun). If you often wear your hair this way, be wary of people who come within a couple of armlengths of you, just in case. Also, if you are walking in an isolated area (say, to your vehicle at night through a deserted parking lot, or something similar), hold your keys in your fist with the pointy ends sticking out, kind of like a set of pointy knuckles. If you are attacked, you can punch as hard as you can and gouge with the keys (aim for the eyes or other sensitive areas such as the groin, throat, nose, knees, or abdomen). Don't be squeamish. You must hit as forcefully as you are physically capable, to achieve maximum incapacitation.

5) Always resist. If you are attacked, fight. Scream - even if your attacker says you will be hurt/killed if you scream. He is planning to hurt/kill you anyway and you have a better chance of survival if you do scream. Something about a woman's scream really disarms men. It's bloodcurdling and it has the power to freeze them in their tracks for a split second (which could be all you need to escape), and then it generally sends them running, out of fear that someone will hear and come to help. Do not scream "HELP". Tests have been done and many bystanders within earshot will not respond to this word (either out of fear of being drawn into danger themselves, or because they think it's just some kids messing around - overuse of the word has made it lose much of its power). Instead, scream "FIRE" or "NO" or "TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME" or "DON'T TOUCH ME". Good Samaritans are more likely to respond to these words. If someone has a gun and threatens to shoot you, run anyway if you are not physically under his control. Even within a close range (under 10 feet), he is only 40% likely to hit you, and if he does, it is still unlikely to be a vital organ. The farther away you get, the lower the percentage gets. If you stay and submit, your odds of being shot and killed are waaaaaaaaay closer to 100%.

6) If you are mugged, give the mugger your wallet, or phone, or whatever he's asking for. It sucks to lose a valuable resource, I know. But again, your life is irreplaceable. If he's only looking for material items, remain calm and let him have them. He may leave after this, and not attempt to physically harm or kidnap you. Let him run away, run in the opposite direction, and find a police officer. If your attacker attempts to physically harm you after you have given him your valuables, revert to #5 (fight). Do not, under any circumstances, let him take you from Point A to Point B. Point B is where you get raped and/or shot in the head.

7) Project an aura of confidence. Predators look for victims who seem weak, shy, nervous, helpless. Stand up straight. Swing your arms as you walk. Don't look at the ground. If another person makes eye contact with you, gaze levelly right back. Don't break eye contact until they walk by. Bad guys latch onto potential victims who look away. They are more likely to cooperate and submit out of fear. Look fearless. So much of life in general depends upon how you carry yourself. Carry yourself like a woman who can kick ass, and will, if anyone tries to lay a finger on her against her will.

8) Don't look homeless. There's a reason you hear all of those news stories about homeless women and prostitutes being murdered. A predator assumes - wrongly - that you wouldn't be in that position unless no one out there cared about your welfare. A criminal would usually rather harm someone that will not have concerned family or friends looking for them. If they attack someone that no one will miss, they are less likely to be caught early, if at all. So try to remain clean and neat, and somewhat well-dressed. Attempt to look like just another Jane on the way home to her family (who are naturally waiting up for her).

9) By the same token, don't look too rich - you don't want to be mugged for valuables. If you own any precious jewelry or designer clothes, on the street probably isn't the place to be wearing them. You can look presentable, and even professional, without flashing a giant neon sign saying "I'M RICH!!!!!!" Pass as middle-class. It's safer than appearing either homeless or incredibly wealthy.

10) If you have a cell phone, carry it in your hand, or even hold it up to your ear and pretend to talk/listen into it as you walk. No one wants to attack a woman when someone might be listening on the other end, ready to alert police. If you don't have a cell phone, try to find one - if you can't afford it, fine. Just get a free one off Craigslist (many people give away old phones, or sell them dirt-cheap, we're talking $5 or $10 here). If you can't activate it and pay for a phone plan, at least have it as a prop, especially if you're in a dark, isolated, or crummy area.

11) Turn down requests for help. It sounds horrible, I know. Yes, you may be sympathetic and want to help someone find their lost puppy, or help that broken-down motorist jump his car battery, or help that handicapped man who seems like he may be stuck and need physical assistance. DON'T. You are a good person for wanting to help. But you are also vulnerable, and this is a tactic used by many predators to lure women and children. If you want to help, remain at a safe distance and tell the individual that you will find someone who can help him. Use a cell phone to call police or locate a trustworthy nearby citizen and request that they provide assistance instead.

12) If you are ever overpowered and shoved into the trunk of a car, kick out the tail lights. You may be able to achieve this even if you are tied up. Head-butt them, if you must. Just find some way to kick them out so that you can shove your arms or legs through the hole and wave them. The driver of the vehicle likely won't be able to see this, but random motorists on the road will, and can alert police.

These are survival skills that are good for all women to cultivate, even those who are not homeless. Study up on them and put them into practice. It could save your life, and likely will at some point, whether you realize it or not. There are a lot more crazy people out there than you may realize, and many of them come across as very innocent and even kind, helpful people. The vast majority of serial killers out there went undiscovered for so long because they had reputations as quiet, friendly, good men - or even pillars of their community. I don't say this to make you paranoid, but to make you aware. Take care of yourself out there. You can always find food, you can always find a new home, you can always come up with a way to bathe yourself, clothe yourself, access the Internet, whatever. But you cannot bring yourself back to life. You will need everything you've got to get through this. Be careful.

First Things First - Shelter, Electricity, and Water.

2009-02-24T18:47:00.001-08:00

When you first find out that you're going to be homeless, there's a lot of initial prep work to be done - figuring out how to meet your barest, most essential needs, and then going from there.

I am writing this post assuming that you have a vehicle of some kind. If you don't, a vehicle is probably the single most important thing that you can get for yourself while homeless. Find a total junker if you need to, even if it has some issues, as long as it runs. Being homeless without any form of transportation is very difficult, and far more dangerous, never mind inconvenient. If your county has a bus system, I suppose you could utilize that to get around (although it's very slow and occasionally full of some creepy people), but as far as shelter goes, you really need a vehicle.

The first thing that I set out to find was shelter. Obviously, the best plan of attack is to stay under the radar in stealth mode, out of homeless shelters, and off of curbsides/freeway underpasses, etc. As explained in my previous post, I have recently inherited a 30-foot travel trailer that will be sufficient to house my dog and myself. But where does one put a travel trailer? It's illegal to just park them on most public streets, especially overnight. There are various trailer parks and campgrounds, but they eat up valuable money - at $40.00 and up per day, I might as well be paying to rent a really nice month-to-month apartment (which I would do, if it weren't for the dog question - large dogs are rarely welcome in apartment complexes, and those that do permit them charge a hell of a lot more for them. Which puts me back at square one).

Through some dedicated Googling, I discovered that certain companies (namely, Wal-Mart and Sam's Club) have a nationwide policy allowing RV-ers and/or truckers to park in their parking lots overnight (and sometimes for several nights). For Wal-Mart, policies vary a bit from location to location, store managers are allowed to interpret the rule loosely and set time limits and regulations if they wish. Certain locations also do not allow it due to space restrictions or city ordinances forbidding overnight parking (although technically, these parking lots are considered privately owned property, and the store has the right to allow overnight parking. But still). In any case, you can find out which Wal-Marts DON'T allow overnight parking here, as well as searching for other free campgrounds out there. If you do not have a trailer but do have a car, you still may be able to take advantage of the rule - many people do.

For safety reasons, I will not give out the exact locations that I frequent, but suffice it to say that I drove by both a local Wal-Mart and Sam's Club. There was only one trailer parked in the Sam's Club lot (although there were several big rigs) and the store was in more of an isolated area, and a worse part of town. The Wal-Mart, on the other hand, had about 12 RVs in the lot, both in the evening and during the day (I drove back to check), so it would seem that far more people know about the Wal-Mart rule.

If you are homeless and living out of a vehicle, you may think that it's a good idea to find some isolated spot to park, since apparently it is illegal to live/sleep in your car - go figure, right? I mean, it's legal to park your car, and it is legal to sleep, but you can't sleep in your own vehicle? It's a really insane rule to me. You can eat in your car, listen to music in your car, just sit there for hours and read in your car, but sleep in it? You'll get marked a "transient" by the police pretty darn quickly, and asked to move on. So I can understand the logic involved in trying to find somewhere obscure and isolated - you just want to sleep without the police bugging you.

However, parking somewhere isolated is also incredibly dangerous, and a good way to put yourself in harm's way - you could be mugged, raped, or killed. Crazy and bad people seek out isolated victims. Police are also likely to be checking isolated spots - a single vehicle illegally parked on a quiet dirt road stands out. Sometimes the best place to "hide" is right out in plain sight. Think about it - how often while walking through a busy grocery store parking lot do you look around and take stock of other vehicles or people? You're in a rush, there are cars looking for spaces, you don't have time to notice if there's someone sleeping in their car. You're wrapped up in your own little world, your needs and wants, whatever errand brought you there. Before learning about this Wal-Mart rule, I had never even realized that there were RVs and trailers parked in their lot. I had been to this Wal-Mart countless amounts of times, and I'm a pretty observant person, but I had never actually NOTICED the several giant campers just sitting there. How can you miss something that huge? But I did.

There is safety in numbers. At Sam's Club, there was only one RV in their lot. I would be far too noticeable sitting there for days or weeks at a time. However, at Wal-Mart, there are many at once, and always more coming or going, at all hours. To an extent, they all pretty much look like each other. The odds are likely that I will easily blend in and remain unnoticed there.

Having decided on Wal-Mart's parking lot as my residence of choice, I called the store manager. I didn't give my name, the dates that I would be arriving, or any other personal information. I just asked her what their rules and regulations were on the RV parking policy. She told me which corner I could park in. I told her I would be driving cross-country and visiting family in the area for about a week. Then I asked her if there was a limit to the number of days RVs were allowed to stay, or any other requests from the store. Obviously busy and too harried to care, she said no, just please stay in that corner of the lot with the other campers so that I wouldn't interfere with customer parking, and left it at that. I thanked her profusely for her time.

* * * * *

Rules and courtesies for camping at Wal-Mart/Sam's Club or a similar business, whether in an RV or a car:

1) Keep clean. No littering. No pulling out a barbecue or awning or playing frisbee with your dogs/kids in the lot. It's tacky and trashy, not to mention dangerous (you could be hit by other vehicles in the lot). This isn't a regular campground, it's a place of business. Occasionally community members complain about Wal-Mart's policy, and try to pass city ordinances forbidding RV parking. The most commonly cited complaints that they back this up with are: homeless people camping for a long time, and litter/trash. One rude camper (long-term or not) can ruin it for everyone else.

2) Keep quiet and faceless. People should be able to walk past your trailer and not even be able to tell you are there. You're trying to stay under the radar, remember? Don't play loud music, don't walk around and socialize with others on the lot. You don't want to give Wal-Mart employees, patrons, or fellow campers any reason to remember your name, face, or vehicle. You want to blend. You are just another camper on a cross-country trip, and you'll be leaving in the morning (yeah, right). Some people don't like Wal-Mart's overnight parking rule on principle, even sans the loophole for the homeless. If enough people notice you specifically, there will eventually be some busybody that will complain about a homeless individual living on the lot - assholes like this exist in every community. They are the next-door neighbor that sits waiting for you to park your car just an inch too far from the curb, or for your hedge to extend just an inch too far over their fence, or for your grass to grow just an inch too long, before they file a complaint and sic the cops on you. They don't care about your circumstances, they don't care if you're clean-cut and quiet and respectful, they don't care if you mind your own business and never bother anybody. To them, the fact that you are homeless says everything about you. How dare you continue to live an independent life, relying on yourself instead of on charity, trying to get back on your feet. To them, the only place you belong is in a homeless shelter. DO NOT GIVE THEM A REASON TO REMEMBER YOU PERSONALLY. People like this are vicious and they will pursue the issue. Just. Blend. In.

3) Give the company your business. Wal-Mart is controversial, and many people don't like them. You personally may not like them, either. If this is the case, and you will not give them your money, fine. But go find somewhere else to park, then. The way I see it, they may very well be a Giant Evil Soulless Bastard Corporation. But - they are doing campers and the homeless a huge service. If you plan to take advantage of it, it's only fair that you reciprocate by purchasing goods from them occasionally. Besides, it doesn't get much cheaper than Wal-Mart, except for the 99 Cent Store (but I'll save that for another post). If you're homeless, it's hard to find a more affordable place to shop.

* * * * *

The downside to parking at Wal-Mart or Sam's Club is that there are no electric/water hookups there for RVs. If you are living out of a car, this won't matter to you anyway. If you are living out of a trailer, you can get around the electricity thing relatively easily. The lots are well-lit, park under a light. Purchase foods that don't need to be refrigerated. If you have a phone or laptop, make sure to charge them during the day at a Starbucks or similar location. You can them use them in the evening to watch DVDs, make phone calls, etc. Your monitor can even provide an additional source of light if the lamps in the parking lot aren't enough.

As far as water, get your hands on several large gallon jugs of water. These can be consistently refilled via hoses or restroom sinks and used to drink, or wash in an emergency (sorry, if you're all dainty about bottled water only and drinking tap water grosses you out, you will soon realize that you're going to have a lot worse problems being homeless). If you're living at Wal-Mart, try to find one that's open 24 hours (many aren't). You can use their restrooms. If you can't live in the lot of a facility that's open 24 hours, locate another nearby business that is - a gas station, another grocery store, a pharmacy... whatever. You can go there in a pinch. Try not to be one of those people that goes in the bushes or against a wall. Besides being kind of gross and unsanitary, it's also illegal. While you may occasionally have to bend/break some rules while homeless, you want them to be the dumb and never-prosecuted ones, like sleeping in your car.

For showers, get a gym membership or find a local community center. If you can't afford a membership, some gyms offer free one-week passes to entice new members. You can print these out at a library or Kinko's. Use it for a week, then move on to the next gym in the area. Also, you can often start a month-to-month membership and have your sign-up fees waived just by asking. It never hurts to ask. The worst that they can say is no, right? Smaller, mom-and-pop gyms and community centers are your friend. Their fees are waaaaaay lower than superchains like Bally's, 24-Hour Fitness, Curves, etc. I found a lesser-known, smaller chain called Planet Fitness that offers a $10/month membership, month-to-month, no contract. They have a $29 sign-up fee, but I politely asked them if there was any way it could be waived, and what do you know, they did it for me! So now I have a place to shower, and even work out if I feel like it! Call around your area or visit gym/community center websites, you can often find introductory deals and discounts in addition to guest passes.

So by this point, you have at least temporary shelter, electricity and water. Huzzah!!! See? You can do this. It's scary and hard, but perhaps not as much as it first seems.

I'm driving 3 1/2 hours to Blythe, CA tomorrow to pick up and tow the trailer. I'm pretty terrified. I've never towed anything before. This is one of those times I plan to rely on the kindness of others, to show me how to hitch up 30 feet of train behind me and change lanes/turn corners without running other drivers off the road. We'll see how this goes :)

Initiation

2009-02-23T15:37:00.001-08:00

In three days, I will be homeless.

This is not by choice (although many individuals before me have chosen this lifestyle and enjoyed the freedoms that it can offer, and if that is what works for them, kudos!) Personally, I enjoy having a permanent residence and the sense of stability and security that it gives me. I look forward to living in an actual house again. However, it is what it is - in three days, I will be homeless. There are no caveats here, no "maybe" or "unless" or "possibly I can come up with something before then". Come Thursday, February 24, I will be making my way on the streets of Orange County as best I can, and I will be considered that most stigmatized of people - a homeless woman.

Initially, the idea of this terrified me. Here is a summary of the commentary that first ran through my head: This would never happen to me. I am not the kind of person that lives on the street. I have a life, I have friends, I have a dog, I have stable employment and residential history, references, education, skills, talents - I have worked hard all of my life to ensure stability for myself. How did this happen, HOW CAN I DO THIS?!?!?!?!

So, I cried for a few hours. I cried and I let the panic run its course. Then, I started planning.

I wonder how many other people like me are out there. People who had the stereotypical idea of a homeless man or woman, who believed that it would not, could not, happen to them. The truth is, we never know the whole story. We don't know other people's circumstances. You can speculate that the wino sitting outside the 7-11 begging for change is there because he's too lazy or stupid or uneducated or selfish or mentally ill. But will we ever truly know? Look at me. I've worked hard for all of my adult life (and all of my adolescence), sought out a college education, worked for corporations and executives, built a life and a "secure" foundation to fall back upon. Yet, here I am. So, now what?

You may wonder how I got here. I will give you a summed-up, generic background on me:

I grew up in Orange County, CA. I got excellent grades and tested in top percentiles at school. I was considered a precocious student and skipped a grade. I taught myself to read at 2 years of age, and I read newspapers, novels, anything I could get my hands on. My family situation was never the best (I have a mentally ill parent who has rejected consistent diagnoses, medication, and advice from various friends, doctors and therapists. It all boils down to the fact that you can't help someone who refuses to admit that they have a problem). I was subjected to various physical/mental/emotional abuse for the majority of my life, and sexual abuse from an estranged family member while a toddler. Despite all of this, I strove to rise above my personal situation. I created a mental image of who I wanted to be. I fought, and continue to fight, to live up to that image and resolve some of the less savory tendencies that I have, whether they are biological or learned from the examples that I witnessed growing up. I am proud of the progress that I have made and the life that I have built. I am proud of who I am, as well as who I am evolving into.

I started working "under the table" at 10, as I knew how to pass for older than I actually was. I got a legal work permit at 12 years old and went to work full-time in addition to schooling (how many 8th grade students do you know with two secular jobs after school lets out?) I supported my parent and younger sister from ages 12 - 18. At two points as a teenager, I was physically thrown out of the house while my parent was in the throes of a bipolar depressive episode. Both times, I was on my own for a couple of months, until said parent tracked me down through school, reported me as a runaway and sent police to retrieve me from the friends' house where I was staying.

At 18 I left for good and got a roommate. Over the next several years, I enrolled myself into college and worked my way from entry-level, minimum-wage jobs into administrative and legal secretary positions, then onwards up to an Executive Assistant at a major corporation. For a long time, I always had at least two jobs, sometimes three. When I landed my Exec. Asst. gig, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had arrived, I could concentrate on only one job, I was earning the means to live on my own, in my own house, sans roommates. I rented a cute cottage towards the beach area and enjoyed the little life that I had built for myself. I got myself a dog. I dated. I loved. I worked. I had fun. Even with the occasional disappointment or blip that happens to everyone, life was good.

In July of 2008, my corporation had mass layoffs. The economy was beginning to crumble, and the auto industry was the first to be affected due to the skyrocketing prices of gas. Over 280 out of 500 employees were laid off, and I was among them. The company that I worked for was enormously kind and fair to each and every one of us, and compensated us well with a severance package, so I was OK for a while. I did some temp-to-hire work for an environmental engineering company for a few months, but they ended up having layoffs right before Christmas 2008 and again I was out of a job. Since then, I have been searching for employment without success. I am on extended unemployment benefits, but I prefer actual work. Salaries have been slashed by at least 20% (often more) so I have no hope of making what I used to, but that is to be expected - I'm in good company, at the moment it's a status symbol simply to have a job at all.

In the past three months I have sent out several hundred resumés and applications, some as far away as Los Angeles and San Diego counties. Whereas it used to take me a matter of days to find employment, it is now rare for me to even receive calls for interviews - there are simply too many people out there responding to every advertisement. I do all that I can to make my application stand out, but when it comes down to it, hiring managers must sift through hundreds of resumés for every single position. My chances are severely handicapped at this point, but all I can do is forage on.

Against my better judgment, I moved out of my cottage and in with my bipolar parent at her suggestion. I figured that it would be relatively temporary and would cut my living costs dramatically while I continued to search for unemployment. For just over two months, somehow I made it work. Until two days ago. On a downward bipolar cycle, my parent attacked me and ordered me out of the house. I have been told to leave immediately, but police informed me that I could require a 30-day notice, which I waived as long as I had five days to find other arrangements.

Could I ask friends for help? Possibly. However, my closest friends have so many problems of their own right now - many of them are out of work, or live in small apartments, or have various other personal problems and I am certain that I would be a burden and an imposition on them. There is also the problem of my (very large) mastiff, who I would not dream of selfishly dragging with me into someone else's home.

So, here I am.

Luckily for me (and my dog!), I recently inherited a truck and travel trailer. Around New Year's Eve, my biological father committed suicide. I had not seen or had any form of contact with him in over 20 years. There was no suicide note, and it fell to me as the eldest child to divy up his assets (of which there were few) among his four surviving children (my sister and I, and two half-sisters from a second marriage, whom I had never met before). This successfully accomplished, I was left with the aforementioned truck and travel trailer, both of which have registration and insurance paid up through July.

If you are an individual in a similar situation (especially a single, vulnerable woman), I hope that by detailing my experiences in this blog, I may help you come up with tips and ideas for survival and safety for however long your present circumstances may last. Perhaps you didn't choose for this to happen, but it is what it is. It is happening and you must stay strong and level-headed, so that you can make opportunities happen for yourself and dig yourself out of this hole.

Perhaps you're not homeless, have never been homeless, and are currently not faced with the threat of becoming homeless. Maybe you are reading this because homelessness is a topic close to your heart, or maybe you just feel that you should cultivate some knowledge on survival skills, because with the economy the way it is right now, who knows what will happen in the future? In any event, I hope that my postings will give you something to think about and/or something to laugh about, for humor can be mined from even the most dire of circumstances.

I have just over $300 cash to my name, in addition to various personal belongings. I have three days to take my plans for the coming weeks/months and put them into motion. I have never been homeless before and I will not deny that I am afraid, but I plan to face this with humor and dignity. I can do this. I can do this without becoming a casualty or a stereotype. I can be homeless and still clean, nourished, confident, well-dressed, dry in the rain, and warm at night. I can make wise and preventive decisions that will help protect me and keep me safe in tenuous circumstances. I can and will continue to bring in revenue, interview, and locate permanent employment. I can be a tall woman with flaming red hair, a jowly and imposing Neapolitan mastiff, and a 30-foot RV in tow and still manage to remain inconspicuous and under the radar (...right?). I think that if a wussy chick like me can do all of this, then anybody can.